Humorous Quotes - Page 16

We are dealing with the best-educated generation in history. But they've got a brain dressed up with nowhere to go.

A cousin of mine who was a casualty surgeon in Manhattan tells me that he and his colleagues had a one-word nickname for bikers: Donors. Rather chilling.

God did not intend religion to be an exercise club.

If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking.

It is better to debate a question without settling it than to settle a question without debating it.

Why do they bother saying "raw sewage"? Do some people actually cook that stuff?

The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.

I love bald men. Just because you've lost your fuzz don't mean you ain't a peach.

Money is like manure; it’s not worth a thing unless it’s spread around.

Men are only as loyal as their options.

We are told that Sin consists in acting contrary to God's commands, but we are also told that God is omnipotent. If He is, nothing contrary to His will can occur; therefore when the sinner disobeys His commands, He must have intended this to happen.

In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.

Books are no more threatened by Kindle than stairs by elevators.

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.

The proverb says, "Born lucky, always lucky," and I am very superstitious. As a small boy I was notoriously lucky. It was usual for one or two of our lads (per annum) to get drowned in the Mississippi or in Bear Creek, but I was pulled out in a 2/3 drowned condition 9 times before I learned to swim, and was considered to be a cat in disguise.

I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

Statistics are no substitute for judgment.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

You're only as good as your last haircut.

To advertisers: "Do not compete with your agency in the creative area. Why keep a dog and bark yourself?"

Any good broadcast, not just an Olympic broadcast, should have texture to it. It should have information, should have some history, should have something that's offbeat, quirky, humorous, and where called for it, should have journalism, and judiciously it should also have commentary. That's my ideal.

Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian.

Just because your ad looks good is no insurance that it will get looked at. How many people do you know who are impeccably groomed... but dull?

People are your most valuable asset. Only people can be made to appreciate in value.