Humorous Quotes - Page 15

We (The British) have not journeyed across the centuries, across the oceans, across the mountains, across the prairies, because we are made of sugar candy.

The secret of longevity... Is to keep breathing!

Interesting - I use a Mac to help me design the next Cray.(when he was told that Apple Inc. had recently bought a Cray supercomputer to help them design the next Mac )

Every author really wants to have letters printed in the papers. Unable to make the grade, he drops down a rung of the ladder and writes novels.

A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.

It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.

I cannot articulate enough to express my dislike to people who think that understanding spoils your experience... How would they know?

Women like a man with a past, but they prefer a man with a present

The two real political parties in America are the Winners and the Losers. The people don't acknowledge this. They claim membership in two imaginary parties, the Republicans and the Democrats, instead.

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he no longer is.

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.

A German singer! I should as soon expect to get pleasure from the neighing of my horse.

In horror stories or in fairy tales, the fascination with the morbid is also, at least for me, a way to prepare for the unthinkable… That’s why it’s very important for me to show the artificiality of it all, because the real horrors of the world are unmatchable, and they’re too profound. It’s much easier to absorb – to be entertained by it, but also to let it affect you psychologically – if it’s done in a fake, humorous, artificial way.

A bulldog can whip a skunk, but sometimes it's not worth it.

he's a genius, she's a genius, wow, you know alot of geniuses, you should meet some stupid people sometime, you might learn something

In my serious work I am striving for the essence of things and for goals which are possibly unobtainable. On the other hand, everything humorous has great attraction for me, and a childish streak leads me into all kinds of frivolous endeavour.

Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.

I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.

If you gain, you gain all; if you lose, you lose nothing. Wager, then, without hesitation, that He exists.

I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem.

The only thing standing between me and greatness is me.

History is written by the victors.

The conductor is a peculiar person. He turns his back on his friends in the audience, shakes a stick at his players in the orchestra, and then wonders why nobody loves him.