Sarcastic Quotes - Page 18

I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.

An editor should have a pimp for a brother so he'd have someone to look up to.

Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals.

An appeal is when you ask one court to show its contempt for another court.

She looked as though butter wouldn't melt in her mouth - or anywhere else.

At first I thought he was walking a dog. Then I realized it was his date.

Gaia spins on, silently contemplating what it means to be born into a sarcastic universe.

Everyone knows what a hypocrite is. That's the guy who gripes about the sex, violence and nudity on his VCR.

It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel.

Events in the past may be roughly divided into those which probably never happened and those which do not matter.

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

He never bore a grudge against anyone he wronged.

What difference does it make how much you have? What you do not have amounts to much more.

Whenever cannibals are on the brink of starvation, Heaven, in its infinite mercy, sends them a fat missionary.

How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive.

To disagree with three-fourths of the British public is one of the first requisites of sanity.

He's completely unspoiled by failure.

You can always tell who went to catholic school, because they're atheists.

No one can have everything, so you have to try for what you want most.

I am sarcastic and dry, but I also have a pretty huge zest for life.

Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you.

We fall in love when our imagination projects nonexistent perfection upon another person. One day, the fantasy evaporates and with it, love dies.

The English contribution to world cuisine: the chip.