Sarcastic Quotes - Page 20

You couldn't tell if she was dressed for an opera or an operation.

The English think soap is civilization.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same 50% rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don't... Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe...same as the Voodoo Lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles, it's all the same: 50-50. So just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself.

He had a winning smile, but everything else was a loser.

Statistics show that of those who contract the habit of eating, very few survive.

I don't mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is the language I don't understand.

He was so crooked, you could have used his spine for a safety-pin.

Being attacked by him is like being savaged by a dead sheep.

[on pop idol Donny Osmond] He has Van Gogh's ear for music.

It was unnerving, the way she could go from cool efficiency to sarcastic to sweet within the space of thirty seconds. I found it very manipulative and controlling. It put the other person constantly on-guard. And it was extremely intimidating because you never knew when she was going to snap. I made a mental note to refine these skills within myself.

Cookbooks bear the same relation to real books that microwave food bears to your grandmother?s.

The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Our national drug is alcohol. We tend to regard the use of any other drug with special horror.

Sarcasm I now see to be, in general, the language of the devil; for which reason I have long since as good as renounced it.

He is as good as his word - and his word is no good.

I can be a very sarcastic person, and sometimes people take every word I say literally.

I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works.

I find his films about as funny as getting an arrow through the neck and discovering there's a gas bill tied to it.

What I claim is to live to the full the contradiction of my time, which may well make sarcasm the condition of truth.

Sarcasm is a Manchester trait.

Her only flair is in her nostrils.

You slam a politician, you make out he's the devil, with horns and hoofs. But his wife loves him, and so did all his mistresses.

Sarcasm doesn't translate in print at all.