Sarcastic Quotes - Page 15

It's strange that men should take up crime when there are so many legal ways to be dishonest.

Satire is a sort of glass, wherein beholders do generally discover everybody's face but their own.

His face is livid, gaunt his whole body, his breath is green with gall; his tongue drips poison.

Well, I think we ought to let him hang there. Let him twist slowly, slowly in the wind.

Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.

Only Lawyers and mental defectives are automatically exempt for jury duty.

The same passions in man and woman nonetheless differ in tempo; hence man and woman do not cease misunderstanding one another.

Many wealthy people are little more than janitors of their possessions.

Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.

His mind is so open - so open that ideas simply pass through it.

Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel.

If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?

Some people stay longer in an hour than others can in a week.

Women's intuition is the result of millions of years of not thinking.

Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.

I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones.

This is one of those big, fat paperbacks, intended to while away a monsoon or two, which, if thrown with a good overarm action, will bring a water buffalo to its knees.

I have seen slower people than I am and more deliberate... and even quieter, and more listless, and lazier people than I am. But they were dead.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

You may admire a girl's curves on the first introduction, but the second meeting shows up new angles.

Dad made me laugh a lot. He was a real comedian. He had a real sarcastic sense of humour, he could really make a fool out of people. I have to watch it a little bit, because I caught that habit from him. I was really fond of him. He was my idol.

If you are patient...and wait long enough...Nothing will happen

The best part of you ran down your mother's legs.

America knows nothing of food, love, or art.

In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.