Witty Quotes - Page 15

I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.

Such is the nature of men, that howsoever they may acknowledge many others to be more witty, or more eloquent, or more learned; yet they will hardly believe there be many so wise as themselves.

Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

A politician thinks of the next election. A statesman, of the next generation.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

Give me a museum and I'll fill it.

Love is like a war; easy to start but hard to end and you never know where it might take you.

Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice-president, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.

A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.

Women with pasts interest men because they hope history will repeat itself.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit.

Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind; Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave. I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.

Every problem has a gift for you in its hands.

I've been in more laps than a napkin.

Love is like a booger, you pick and pick at it. Then when you get it you wonder how to get rid of it.

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love

The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

It seems to me we can never give up longing and wishing while we are thoroughly alive. There are certain things we feel to be beautiful and good, and we must hunger after them.