Witty Quotes - Page 16

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.

Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.

The next time you have a thought... let it go.

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

The devil's most devilish when respectable.

Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

You are never too old to become younger!

If a little is great, and a lot is better, then way too much is just about right!

Laughter not only makes the journey endurable and even enjoyable, it also helps keep us healthy.... Be like a child: learn to laugh more!

Experience is the name so many people give to their mistakes.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

Whatever the problem, be part of the solution. Don’t just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles.

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.

You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I'm tired.

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it.

A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.

There's nothing wrong with you that a little Prozac and a polo mallet can't cure.