Witty Quotes - Page 18

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

The only stable state is the one in which all men are equal before the law.

All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

A Hospital is no place to be sick.

Every age has a keyhole to which its eye is pasted.

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.

I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.

Human blunders usually do more to shape history than human wickedness.

Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father ... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could ... but he pulled through.

My music is basically all about witty punchlines and lyric progression that is aimed to make you laugh or say "Woah."

Men are those creatures with two legs and eight hands.

There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask why me? Then a voice answers nothing personal, your name just happened to come up.

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they fall in love with.

I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.