Witty Quotes - Page 14

I have read your book and much like it.

A witty vicar once said that a good marriage is like a pair of scissors with the couple inseparable joined, often moving in opposite directions, yet always destroying anyone who comes between them. The trick is for the blades to learn to work smoothly together, so as not to cut each other.

A witty woman is a treasure; a witty beauty is a power.

There is one thing even more vital to science than intelligent methods; and that is, the sincere desire to find out the truth, whatever it may be.

Jogging is very beneficial. It's good for your legs and your feet. It's also very good for the ground. If makes it feel needed.

I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!'

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!

This isn't a particularly novel observation, but the world is full of people who think they can manipulate the lives of others merely by getting a law passed.

The simplest definition of advertising, and one that will probably meet the test of critical examination, is that advertising is selling in print.

Every time a message seems to grab us, and we think, 'I just might try it,' we are at the nexus of choice and persuasion that is advertising.

You'll live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to.

The perfect normal person is rare in our civilization.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.

Photoshop is just like makeup. When it’s done well it looks great, and when it’s overdone you look like a crazy asshole.

All my life I've wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.

Among men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; among women, intimacy sometimes results in sex.

Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.