Erma Bombeck Quotes about Children - Page 2

Grandmas can shed the yoke of responsibility, relax and enjoy their grandchildren in a way that was not possible when they were raising their own children. And they can glow in the realisation that here is their seed of life that will harvest generations to come.

If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children's eyes, they'd flinch and call their attorney.

Myths that need clarification: "No matter how many times you see the Grand canyon, you are still emotionally moved to tears." False. It depends on how many children the out-of-towners brought with them who kicked the back of your seat from Phoenix to Flagstaff and got their gum caught in your hair.

Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.

I have never understood, for example, how come a child can climb up on the roof, scale the TV antenna, and rescue the cat ... yet cannot walk down the hallway without grabbing both walls with his grubby hands for balance.

When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys.

The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, "Could I get you your check?" and we answered, "How about the menu first?"

I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.

My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it was empty.

You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.

Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede.

Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.

I will never understand children. I never pretended to. I meet mothers all the time who make resolutions to themselves. 'I'm going to ... go out of my way to show them I am interested in them and what they do. I am going to understand my children.' These women end up making rag rugs, using blunt scissors.

Most children's first words are 'Mama' or 'Daddy.' Mine were, 'Do I have to use my own money?'

Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.

Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each.

Phrases and their actual meanings: My teacher has never liked me. Expect a phone call before lunch from the teacher informing you that your child has been launching hot dogs by compressing them inside a small Thermos and then removing the lid quickly.

To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children.

I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.

When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.

We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill, 'He wants his mother.'

A child develops individuality long before he develops taste.