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Erma Bombeck Quotes about Food

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You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids

You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism.

4th Of July, Food, Patriotic

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.

Funny, Food, Humor

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.

Hilarious, Funny Life, Food

The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?

Wall, Food, Track

It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You're on your own, Bernice.

Food, Mean, Boxes

My son would walk to the refrigerator-freezer and fling both doors open and stand there until the hairs in his nose iced up. After surveying $200 worth of food in varying shapes and forms, he would declare loudly, 'There's nothing to eat!'

Food, Son, Hair

I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It's just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.

Funny, Food, Humorous

Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.

Family, Food, Cereal

I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food

Funny, Humorous, Food

What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?

Thanksgiving, Food, Mean

Erma Bombeck (2013). “Forever, Erma: Best-Loved Writing From America's Favorite Humorist”, p.271, Open Road Media

Those magazine dieting stories always have the testimonial of a woman who wore a dress that could slipcover New Jersey in one photo and thirty days later looked like a well-dressed thermometer.

Sex, Food, Jersey

Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!

Mother, Food, Words Of Wisdom

The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, "Could I get you your check?" and we answered, "How about the menu first?"

Baby, Children, Food

I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.

Funny, Humorous, Food

Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus.

Funny, Humorous, Food

Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each.

Dog, Children, Food

Erma Bombeck (2013). “If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?”, p.111, Open Road Media

Born: February 21, 1927 - April 22, 1996
Occupation: Column Author

Quotes: 334

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