George Burns Quotes - Page 5

My major contribution to the format was to suggest that I be able to step out of the plot and speak directly to the audience, and then be able to go right back into the action. That was an original idea of mine; I know it was because I originally stole it from Thornton Wilder's play Our Town.

There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children.

It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.

When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.

Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.

I would read Playboy more often, but my glasses keep steaming up.

Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

From Paris we took the Orient Express to Vienna. I must say I was terribly disappointed; nobody was murdered on the train.

Happiness is a dry martini and a good woman ... or a bad woman.

What actresses do today when they appear on the screen is what they did once upon a time for getting to appear on the screen.

I smoke cigars because at my age if I don't have something to hang on to I might fall down.

If I paid ten dollars for a cigar, first I'd make love to it, then I'd smoke it.

When I die I intend to take my music with me. I don't know what's out there, but I want to make sure it's in my key.

I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.

Dress simply. If you wear a dinner jacket, don't wear anything else on it ... like lunch or dinner.

Say Goodnight Gracie.

I like women to be attracted to me. See, when you get 60 years old, and they know you're 60, the only women you can get are 55-year-old women, and I like younger women.

Being an actor is easy, just picture someone in a room and you outside waiting for your cue to go in. Elliot Gould's been trying that for forty years.

If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.

If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I'd sleep with it.

Money is the root of all evil.' Then we hear, 'A fool and his money are soon parted.' What are they talking about? If money is so evil, shouldn't it be, 'A wise man and his money are soon parted'? And another thing, how does a fool get money in the first place? I know some fools who have a lot of money, but they won't tell me how they got it, and I won't tell them.

Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!

I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.

When I wasn't working, I put the blame directly where it belonged - I blamed my agent. When I didn't have an agent, I spent time looking for a new agent so I would have somebody to blame.