If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.
If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.
Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.
The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.
The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe; it's just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.
Please don't get me wrong here. I'm not making fun of old people. In fact I think that's the goal of everybody here tonite. We all want to be an old person someday.
When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.
I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.
If men have a smell it's usually an accident.
Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.
You take a normal guy, give him a wife, give them time, and you've got AN IDIOT!
The thing about that singles apartment is you never had to clean it up... until the day you got the security deposit back. You're arguing with the landlord... 'No sir, the back door was missing when we moved in here! The pizzas were always on the ceiling!'