Authors:

Mark Twain Quotes - Page 27

All Quotes 4th Of July Accomplishment Achievement Addiction Adventure Adversity Age Aging Alcohol Ambition Anxiety Appearance Appreciation Arguing Army Arrogance Art Atheism Atheist Attitude Authority Balance Beauty Beer Being Alone Belief Bible Bitterness Blame Bliss Bravery Business Censorship Challenges Change Character Charity Chastity Children Christianity Church Coffee College Comedy Communication Community Compassion Confidence Conflict Conscience Conservatism Constitution Cooking Country Courage Crime Criticism Dance Dancing Darkness Death Deception Defeat Democracy Design Desire Determination Devil Disappointment Diversity Divorce Doubt Drinking Duty Dying Earth Education Effort Encouragement Energy Enthusiasm Envy Epic Ethics Evidence Evil Exercise Experience Failing Failure Family Fashion Fear Feelings Fighting Finding Yourself Fitness Flattery Focus Food Forgiveness Free Speech Freedom Friends Friendship Fun Funeral Funny Future Genius Getting Older Giving Giving Up God Gold Good Times Gossip Grace Graduation Gratitude Greatness Greed Grief Grieving Growing Up Growth Happiness Happy Hard Times Hard Work Hate Healing Health Heart Heaven Hell Hilarious Hills Hinduism History Holiday Home Honesty Honor House Human Nature Humanity Humility Hunger Hunting Hurt Hypocrisy Ignorance Imagination Independence Individuality Innovation Insanity Inspiration Inspirational Inspiring Integrity Intelligence Journey Joy Judgement Judging Judgment Justice Kindness Knowledge Labor Language Laughter Law Of Attraction Leadership Learning Liars Liberty Life Life And Death Literature Loneliness Losing Loss Love Loyalty Luck Lying Madness Manners Marriage Math Memorial Day Memories Military Moderation Modesty Mom Monarchy Money Moon Morality Morning Motivation Motivational Mountain Music Nature New Year Office Opportunity Optimism Pain Parenting Passion Past Patriotism Peace Perception Perfection Perseverance Personality Philosophy Planning Pleasure Politics Positive Positive Thinking Positivity Poverty Power Praise Prayer Preaching Prejudice Pride Privacy Profanity Progress Prophecy Prosperity Purpose Quality Rain Reading Reading Books Reality Recovery Regret Religion Reputation Respect Responsibility Revolution Risk Running Sad Sadness Sailing Salvation Sanity Sarcasm Satan School Science Self Esteem Seven Shame Silence Simplicity Sin Skins Sleep Smoking Society Solitude Son Sorrow Soul Sports Spring Strength Struggle Study Stupidity Style Success Suffering Summer Sunday Sunshine Swimming Talent Taxes Teaching Temperance Temptation Time Today Trade Tradition Tragedy Training Travel Trust Truth Twins Undertaker Vacation Values Violence Virtue Vision Vocation Voting Waiting War Water Wealth Whiskey Wife Wine Winning Winter Wisdom Wit Work Worry Worship Writing Youth
Substitute damn every time you're inclined to write very; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

Mark Twain
Inspirational, Funny, Writing

There is a sumptuous variety about the New England weather... In the spring I have counted one hundred and twenty-six different kinds of weather inside of four and twenty hours.

Mark Twain
Spring, Weather, Twenties
Address at New England Society's Seventy-First Annual Dinner, New York, N.Y., 22 Dec. 1876

It is believed by everyone that when he was in heaven he was stern, hard, resentful, jealous and cruel, but that when he came down to earth, he became the opposite... sweet, gentle merciful, forgiving. He was a thousand billion times crueler than ever he was in the Old Testament... Meek and gentle? By and by we will examine that popular sarcasm by the light of the hell which he invented.

Mark Twain
Sweet, Jealous, Sarcasm

The public is the only critic whose judgment is worth anything at all.

Mark Twain
Writing, Editors, Criticism
"Life as I Find it".

Vote: The only commodity that is peddleable without a license.

Mark Twain
Vote, Commodity, License
Mark Twain (1960). “Mark Twain and the Government”

The statesmen will invent cheap lies, putting the blame upon the nation that is attacked, and every man will be glad of those conscience-soothing falsities, and will diligently study them, and refuse to examine any refutations of them; and thus he will by and by convince himself that the war is just, and will thank God for the better sleep he enjoys after this process of grotesque self-deception.

Mark Twain
Peace, Truth, Lying
Mark Twain (2017). “The Complete Works of Mark Twain (Illustrated Edition): Novels, Short Stories, Memoir, Travel Books, Letters, Biography, Articles & Speeches: The Adventures of Tom Sawyer & Huckleberry Finn, Life on the Mississippi, Yankee in King Arthur's Court…”, p.2818, e-artnow

A woman springs a sudden reproach upon you which provokes a hot retort, and then she will presently ask you to apologize.

Mark Twain
Spring, Women, Hot
Mark Twain, Albert Bigelow Paine (1971). “Mark Twain's notebook”, Scholarly Pr

Definite speech means clarity of mind.

Mark Twain
Mean, Mind, Speech
Mark Twain (2005). “The Complete Short Stories of Mark Twain”, p.402, Bantam Classics

The church is always trying to get other people to reform, it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little, by way of example

Mark Twain
Religious, Ideas, Always Trying
Mark Twain (2016). “A Tramp Abroad”, p.241, Xist Publishing

Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.

Mark Twain
Integrity, Animal, Men
Following the Equator (1897) ch. 27

It is my heart-warmed and world-embracing Christmas hope and aspiration that all of us, the high, the low, the rich, the poor, the admired, the despised, the loved, the hated, the civilized, the savage (every man and brother of us all throughout the whole earth), may eventually be gathered together in a heaven of everlasting rest and peace and bliss, except the inventor of the telephone.

Mark Twain
Brother, Heart, Men

Of the demonstrably wise there are but two: those who commit suicide, & those who keep their reasoning faculties atrophied with drink.

Mark Twain
Wise, Suicide, Two
Mark Twain, Albert Bigelow Paine (1971). “Mark Twain's notebook”, Scholarly Pr

Man is the only religious animal. In the Holy task of smoothing his brother's path to the happiness of heaven, he has turned the globe into a graveyard.

Mark Twain
Religious, Brother, Animal

The man who isn't a pessimist is a damned fool.

Mark Twain
Men, Fool, He Man

I admire him, I frankly confess it; and when his time is come I shall buy a piece of the rope for a keepsake.

Mark Twain
Time, Rope, Pieces
1897 Of Cecil Rhodes. Following the Equator, ch.2.

When in doubt, tell the truth. That maxim I did invent, but never expected it to be applied to me. I did say, "When you are in doubt," but when I am in doubt myself I use more sagacity.

Mark Twain
Truth, Doubt, Use
Mark Twain (2008). “Mark Twain's Speeches: Easyread Large Bold Edition”, p.393, ReadHowYouWant.com

Methuselah lived to be 969 years old . You boys and girls will see more in the next fifty years than Methuselah saw in his whole lifetime.

Mark Twain
Girl, Time, Boys
Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.264, Courier Corporation

Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute. Indeed, my experiments have proven to me that he is the Unreasoning Animal... In truth, man is incurably foolish. Simple things which the other animals easily learn, he is incapable of learning. Among my experiments was this. In an hour I taught a cat and a dog to be friends. I put them in a cage. In another hour I taught them to be friends with a rabbit. In the course of two days I was able to add a fox, a goose, a squirrel and some doves. Finally a monkey. They lived together in peace; even affectionately.

Mark Twain
Dog, Cat, Simple
"Mark Twain’s Book of Animals".

A public library is the most enduring of memorials, the trustiest monument for the preservation of an event or a name or an affection; for it, and it only, is respected by wars and revolutions, and survives them.

Mark Twain
War, Names, Memorial
Mark Twain, Paul Fatout (1997). “Mark Twain Speaks for Himself”, p.146, Purdue University Press

I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey. I believe that whenever a human being, of even the highest intelligence and culture, delivers an opinion upon a matter apart from his particular and especial line of interest, training and experience, it will always be an opinion of so foolish and so valueless a sort that it can be depended upon to suggest to our Heavenly Father that the human being is another disappointment and that he is no considerable improvement upon the monkey.

Mark Twain
Disappointment, Father, Believe
Mark Twain (2013). “Autobiography of Mark Twain, Volume 2: The Complete and Authoritative Edition”, p.288, Univ of California Press

Strip the human race, absolutely naked, and it would be a real democracy. But the introduction of even a rag of tiger skin, or a cowtail, could make a badge of distinction and be the beginning of a monarchy.

Mark Twain
Real, Race, Clothes
Mark Twain, Caroline Thomas Harnsberger (1948). “Mark Twain at your fingertips”

As a boy, I once saw a cart of melons that sorely tempted me. I sneaked up to the cart and stole a melon. I went into the alley to devour it, but no sooner had I set my teeth into it, than I paused, a strange feeling coming over me. I came to a quick conclusion. Firmly, I walked up to that cart, replaced the melon - and took a ripe one.

Mark Twain
Boys, Feelings, Teeth

Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates.

Mark Twain
Pirate, Sailing, Good God
Mark Twain (1875). “Old Times on the Mississippi”, p.2, Library of Alexandria

The Church has opposed every innovation and discovery from the day of Galileo down to our own time, when the use of anesthetics in childbirth was regarded as a sin because it avoided the biblical curse pronounced against Eve.

Mark Twain
Biblical, Discovery, Innovation
Quoted in Albert B. Paine, Mark Twain: A Biography (1912)

To be, or not to be; that is the bare bodkin That makes calamity of so long life.

Mark Twain
Long, Hamlet And Ophelia, Speech
1884 The Duke's version of Hamlet's soliloquy, combining elements of other speeches by Hamlet and pieces of Macbeth. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, ch.21.

You May Also Like: