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P. J. ORourke Quotes about Funny - Page 3

All P. J. O'Rourke Quotes Addiction Alcohol Appearance Art Authority Boat Cancer Capitalism Caring Character Charity Children Church Coffee College Comedy Communism Cooking Country Culture Dating Death Debate Democracy Divorce Drinking Dying Earth Effort Environment Exercise Family Fashion Food Free Market Fun Funny quotes Giving Golf Growth Health Heart Heaven History Home House Inspirational Journalism Killing Language Liberalism Liberty Life Loss Love Luck Lying Mom Money Morning Office Past Pleasure Politics Pollution Poverty Purpose Quality Reading Responsibility Running Sailing Satire School Sloth Smoking Socialism Sports Students Stupidity Style Taxes Trade Virtue Waiting War Wealth Wife Wine Worry Writing

I've always figured that if God wanted us to go to church a lot He'd have given us bigger behinds to sit on and smaller heads to think with.

I've always figured that if God wanted us to go to church a lot He'd have given us bigger behinds to sit on and smaller heads to think with.

Funny, Humorous, Thinking

P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.88, Atlantic Books Ltd

This is the most elaborate and luxurious method of convincing others that you can cook. Take everybody out on your yacht until they're green in the face. Then you can rave for weeks about your sauce marinara and no one will gainsay you.

Funny, Sailing, Green

P. J. O'Rourke (1987). “The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig”, Pocket

If the Japanese want to be taken seriously as world financial powers, they'd better quit using the same tailor as variety show chimps.

Funny, Humorous, Taken

P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.15, Atlantic Books Ltd

Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.

Funny, Christmas, Money

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.136, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Long conversations with pals when neither you nor they have had a drink can be a test of palship.

Funny, Communication, Humor

P.J. O'Rourke (2009). “Peace Kills”, p.13, Atlantic Books Ltd

Writing this book required an enormous amount of help from friends. To them goes the credit. I'll take the money.

Funny, Reading, Book

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty”, p.11, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

France in August when you can travel through the entire country without encountering a single pesky Frenchman or being bothered with anything that's open for business.

Funny, Country, Humorous

P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.17, Atlantic Books Ltd

East Germany was so total in its totalitarianism that everything was banned which wasn't compulsory.

Funny, Humorous, East Germany

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer”, p.8, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

I suspect the soviets never did want to use those bombs. The most Stalinist of Soviet hard-liners - Stalin, for example - must have realized a nuclear war would be a hard thing to clean up after.

Funny, War, Humorous

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.174, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

It was to be a short visit for the G-shevs. More than four days in the U.S. and Raisa's VISA card bill would shatter the fragile Soviet economy.

Funny, Humorous, Russia

P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.188, Atlantic Books Ltd

The commies are the only people on earth who think Star Wars will work. If they're that gullible, maybe we should have held the summit at Atlantic City and let them lose all their missiles playing Keno.

Funny, Stars, War

P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.191, Atlantic Books Ltd

The typical old-fashioned diet (in the nineteenth century) was so bad it almost assembled modern dieting.

Funny, Humor, Loss

I was told to hand over my disposable lighter, to prevent, I suppose, any threat of "Do what I say or I'll light this Marlboro and you'll all die - in thirty years due to inhalation of secondhand smoke."

Funny, Humorous, Food

P.J. O'Rourke (2009). “Peace Kills”, p.58, Atlantic Books Ltd

Never fight an inanimate object.

Funny, Life, Witty

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.189, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.

Funny, Pregnancy, Young Parents

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.118, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Visiting Future World is like opening a Chinese fortune cookie to read, "Soon you'll be finished with dinner."

Funny, Humor, Chinese

P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.159, Atlantic Books Ltd

Armenians and Azerbaijanis in Stepanakert, capital of the Nagorno-Karabakh autonomous region, rioted over much needed spelling reform in the Soviet Union.

Funny, Humor, Reform

"Year in Review". Rolling Stone, December 15, 1988.

There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.

Funny, Christmas, Xmas

P. J. O'Rourke (1983). “Modern manners”, Dell Books

As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less amusing than when one was at the mercy of one's friends' and relatives' children.

Funny, Children, Mercy

At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and the annoying whole wide world.

Funny, Humor, Two

P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.157, Atlantic Books Ltd

I can think of a number of areas in New York where three acres of nuclear waste would make the neighborhood safer to walk around in than it is now, and better lit.

Funny, New York, Humorous

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty”, p.158, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

This country is so urbanized we think low-fat milk comes from cows on Nutri/System weight-loss plans.

Funny, Country, Humorous

P. J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus: A Reader”, p.252, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

If a journalist shows a facility for praise he's liable to be offered a job in public relations or advertising and the next thing you know he's got a big office, a huge salary and is living in a fine home with a lovely wife and swell kids - another career blown to hell.

Funny, Jobs, Home

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer”, p.41, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

In Washington journalists can afford to live almost as well as people who work for a living.

Funny, People, Journalism

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.36, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

I'm here as a radio journalist but am not even sure which part of a tape recorder takes the pictures.

Funny, Tape, Radio

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer”, p.182, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

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