Authors:

A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H
I
J
K
L
M
N
O
P
Q
R
S
T
U
V
W
X
Y
Z

P. J. ORourke Quotes about Funny

All P. J. O'Rourke Quotes Addiction Alcohol Appearance Art Authority Boat Cancer Capitalism Caring Character Charity Children Church Coffee College Comedy Communism Cooking Country Culture Dating Death Debate Democracy Divorce Drinking Dying Earth Effort Environment Exercise Family Fashion Food Free Market Fun Funny quotes Giving Golf Growth Health Heart Heaven History Home House Inspirational Journalism Killing Language Liberalism Liberty Life Loss Love Luck Lying Mom Money Morning Office Past Pleasure Politics Pollution Poverty Purpose Quality Reading Responsibility Running Sailing Satire School Sloth Smoking Socialism Sports Students Stupidity Style Taxes Trade Virtue Waiting War Wealth Wife Wine Worry Writing

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

Inspirational, Funny, Money

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.24, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.

Inspirational, Funny, Witty

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “The Enemies List”, p.7, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Whatever the occasion, do not neglect alcohol. No other refreshment will do. Yes, alcohol kills brain cells, but it's very selective. It only kills the brain cells that contain good sense, shame, embarrassment, and restraint.

Funny, Humorous, Drinking

P.J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus”, p.42, Atlantic Books Ltd

A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something brussel sprouts never do.

Funny, Food, Wine

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig”, p.57, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and we can fix that."

Funny, Humorous, Party

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.30, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

America is not a wily, sneaky nation. We don't think that way. We don't think much at all, thank God. Start thinking and pretty soon you get ideas, and then you get idealism, and the next thing you know you've got ideology, with millions dead in concentration camps and gulags.

Funny, Humorous, Thinking

Liberals have a quaint and touching faith that truth is on their side and an even quainter faith that journalists are on the side of truth.

Funny, Touching, Sides

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer”, p.53, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Remember, your body needs 6 to 8 glasses of fluid daily. Straight up or on the rocks.

Funny, Drinking, Health

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig”, p.57, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

El Salvador has the scenery of northern California and the climate of southern California plus - and this was a relief - no Californians.

Funny, California, Southern

P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.114, Atlantic Books Ltd

It's better to spend money like there's no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there's no money.

Funny, Money, Ireland And The Irish

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.288, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Funny, Hilarious, Single

P. J. O'Rourke (1983). “Modern manners”, Dell Books

Summing it Up..."Where's a good place for dinner?" I asked. "There's the Brasserie Lipp on the Avenue St. Germaine," she said, "or La Coupole in Montmartre." "Not La Coupole," I said. "I've been there before. That's the place that's crowded and noisy and smells bad and everybody's rude as hell, isn't it?" "I think you just described France," she said.

Funny, Thinking, Smell

There are a lot of mysterious things about boats, such as why anyone would get on one voluntarily.

Funny, Mysterious Things, Sailing

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Holidays in Hell: In Which Our Intrepid Reporter Travels to the World's Worst Places and Asks, "What's Funny About Thi”, p.144, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

One of the reporters must have flunked journalism school because he asked a question that went straight to the point.

Funny, School, Journalism

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty”, p.89, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

The Democrats planned to fiddle while Rome burned. The Republicans were going to burn Rome, then fiddle.

Funny, Humorous, Party

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.30, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Modern air travel means less time spent in transit. That time is now spent in transit lounges.

Funny, Humorous, Food

P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.16, Atlantic Books Ltd

Moscow has changed. I was here in 1982, during the Brezhnev twilight, and things are better now. For instance, they've got litter. In 1982 there was nothing to litter with.

Funny, Humorous, Twilight

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer”, p.17, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

I arrived in the middle of a press conference - as boring a thing to sit through if you don't know the language as it is if you do.

Funny, Journalism, Language

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Holidays in Hell: In Which Our Intrepid Reporter Travels to the World's Worst Places and Asks, "What's Funny About Thi”, p.235, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

One of these suburbs is actually named Stalingrad, which goes to show that the French have learned nothing about politics since they guillotined all the smart people in 1793.

Funny, Smart, People

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Holidays in Hell: In Which Our Intrepid Reporter Travels to the World's Worst Places and Asks, "What's Funny About Thi”, p.192, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Each American embassy comes with two permanent features - a giant anti-American demonstration and a giant line for American visas. Most demonstrators spend half their time burning Old Glory and the other half waiting for green cards.

Funny, Humorous, Old Glory

P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.18, Atlantic Books Ltd

The Australian language is easier to learn than boat talk. It has a vocabulary of about six words.

Funny, Humor, Vocabulary

P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.130, Atlantic Books Ltd

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Funny, Clever, Smart

Humor is, by its nature, more truthful than factual.

Funny, Humor, Truthful

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.10, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

It's the squares who know how to fly the fighter planes and operate the missiles and the bombs and work the M-16s. Liberals would still be fumbling with the federally mandated trigger locks.

Funny, Humor, Squares

It had never occurred to us that the Kremlin's new anti-booze campaign would apply to journalists. Now, that's a human-rights violation.

Funny, Humorous, Russia

P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.188, Atlantic Books Ltd

1
2
3
4
Next

You May Also Like: