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P. J. ORourke Quotes about Funny - Page 2

All P. J. O'Rourke Quotes Addiction Alcohol Appearance Art Authority Boat Cancer Capitalism Caring Character Charity Children Church Coffee College Comedy Communism Cooking Country Culture Dating Death Debate Democracy Divorce Drinking Dying Earth Effort Environment Exercise Family Fashion Food Free Market Fun Funny quotes Giving Golf Growth Health Heart Heaven History Home House Inspirational Journalism Killing Language Liberalism Liberty Life Loss Love Luck Lying Mom Money Morning Office Past Pleasure Politics Pollution Poverty Purpose Quality Reading Responsibility Running Sailing Satire School Sloth Smoking Socialism Sports Students Stupidity Style Taxes Trade Virtue Waiting War Wealth Wife Wine Worry Writing

A girl who is really pretty - whether she wraps herself in an abayah, a nun's habit, or the front hall rug - never wraps herself so that the world can't tell.

A girl who is really pretty - whether she wraps herself in an abayah, a nun's habit, or the front hall rug - never wraps herself so that the world can't tell.

Funny, Beauty, Girl

P.J. O'Rourke (2009). “Peace Kills”, p.120, Atlantic Books Ltd

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

Funny, Life, Sarcastic

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig”, p.124, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

The sky was so clear that the starlight cast shadows, and so many sparkles and glitters and glints appeared above us that it looked like something really expensive had been dropped and shattered in heaven - God's Steuben ashtray, maybe.

Funny, God, Humorous

P.J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus”, p.381, Atlantic Books Ltd

If the wind is blowing like stink and everything is working right, a twelve-meter sailboat can go eleven and a half or twelve miles an hour, the same speed at which a bond lawyer runs around the Cental Park Reservoir.

Funny, Running, Wind

P.J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus”, p.159, Atlantic Books Ltd

Generally it's not a good idea to wear Banana Republic - type khaki journalist clothes in a war zone. You might look too much like something that's supposed to be shot, such as a journalist.

Funny, War, Ideas

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty”, p.249, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

The Middle Eastern states aren't nations; they're quarrels with borders.

Funny, Humor, Borders

West Germans are tall, pink, pert and orthodontically corrected, with hands, teeth and hair as clean as their clothes and clothes as sharp as their looks. Except for the fact that they all speak English pretty well, they're indistinguishable from Americans.

Funny, Humorous, Hair

P.J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus”, p.257, Atlantic Books Ltd

Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fishermen.

Funny, Sports, Country

The America's Cup is like driving your Lamborgini to the Gran Prix track to watch the charter buses race.

Funny, Race, America

P.J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus”, p.159, Atlantic Books Ltd

The Arab peoples possess an ancient and highly developed civilization that is in many ways more sophisticated than our own. For instance, they invented algebra. And this is why we have to go to war with Saddam Hussein this minute and bomb the shish kebab out of him before he invents trig and chemistry and the whole of America flunks high school.

Funny, War, Humorous

P.J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus”, p.281, Atlantic Books Ltd

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.

Funny, Life, Fashion

P.J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus”, p.18, Atlantic Books Ltd

Walt is dead. And, after a couple of hours at Epcot, you'll wish you were, too.

Funny, Couple, Humor

P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.157, Atlantic Books Ltd

If Disney still wants to make Epcot Center futuristic, they could do so by blowing the place up with an atom bomb.

Funny, Humor, Epcot

Children from the age of five to ten should watch more television. Television depicts adults as rotten SOB's given to fistfights, gunplay, and other mayhem. Kids who believe this about grownups aren't likely to argue about bedtime.

Funny, Baby, Children

P. J. O'Rourke (1987). “The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig”, Pocket

Journalists aren't supposed to praise things. It's a violation of work rules almost as serious as buying drinks with our own money or absolving the CIA of something.

Funny, Buying, Serious

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer”, p.41, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

In Western Australia they don't even know how to make that vital piece of sailboating equipment, the gin and tonic.

Funny, Australia, Sailing

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Holidays in Hell: In Which Our Intrepid Reporter Travels to the World's Worst Places and Asks, "What's Funny About Thi”, p.145, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

Funny, Witty, Laughter

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

Funny, Happiness, Clever

Australia is not very exclusive. On the visa application they still ask if you've been convicted of a felony - although they are willing to give you a visa even if you haven't been.

Funny, Humor, Australia

P.J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus”, p.161, Atlantic Books Ltd

Germans respond well to lies. At least, they always have historically.

Funny, Lying, Humorous

P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.169, Atlantic Books Ltd

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.

Funny, Children, Food

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.113, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

There was an austerely dignified award ceremony. By that I mean we had to buy our own drinks - in clear violation of the international journalists'code of truth, fairness and an open bar.

Funny, Mean, Awards

P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.92, Atlantic Books Ltd

Taxi drivers all over the world, by the way, are under Newspaper Guild contract to give easy quotes to foreign correspondents.

Funny, Giving, World

P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.61, Atlantic Books Ltd

For toddlers I suggest leaving their mittens on year-round, indoors and out. That way they can't get into aspirin bottles, liquor cabinets, or boxes of kitchen matches.

Funny, Baby, Children

P. J. O'Rourke (1987). “The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig”, Pocket

Passover is my idea of a perfect holiday. Dear God, when you're handing out plagues of darkness, locusts, hail, boils, flies, lice, frogs, and cattle murrain, and turning the Nile to blood, and smiting firstborn, give me a pass, and tell me when it's over.

Funny, God, Humorous

P.J. O'Rourke (2009). “Peace Kills”, p.37, Atlantic Books Ltd

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