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Rita Rudner Quotes about Husband

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My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.

Rita Rudner
Death, Husband, Grandmother

Husband: a man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until the day before his anniversary to buy his wife a gift.

Rita Rudner
Football, Husband, Men

If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.

Rita Rudner
Husband, Sleep, Needs

I can see close up and my husband can see far away, so we're covered. He tells me who's in the movie and I tell him what's in his sandwich. Together we're human bifocals.

Rita Rudner
Husband, Together, Sandwiches
Rita Rudner (2008). “I Still Have It . . . I Just Can't Remember Where I Put It: Confessions of a Fiftysomething”, p.2, Crown Archetype

My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

Rita Rudner
Inspirational, Sports, Husband

My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.

Rita Rudner
Sarcastic, Fake People, Husband

If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my husband's early films end with a scream and a flush.

Rita Rudner
Funny, Husband, Humor

Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in.

Rita Rudner
Funny, Husband, Humor

Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."

Rita Rudner
Funny, Sex, Husband

Men love watches with multiple functions. My husband has one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano.

Rita Rudner
Funny, Husband, Book

I'm not sure if my husband is going to be there when I actually have the baby. He said the only way he's going to be in the room when there's a delivery is if there's a pizza involved.

Rita Rudner
Baby, Husband, Way
Rita Rudner (2002). “Tickled Pink: A Comic Novel”, Washington Square Press

My parents were glad to see that my new husband looks like a 'regular guy'-no earring or anything. But really I think a man with an earring is better prepared for marriage. I mean, he's already experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Rita Rudner
Husband, Pain, Mean

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