Humorous Quotes - Page 25

Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.

If the Wright brother were alive today Wilbur would have to fire Orville to reduce costs.

There are two kinds of music; German music and bad music.

I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.

As you swim the river of live, do the breast stroke. It helps to clear the turds from your path.

I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes; I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

Some people put us down. But I still haven't heard of any Americans trying to swim across the border into Mexico!

I like the word "indolence." It makes my laziness seem classy.

Living, as I do, in an educated and scientific atmosphere, I could not have conceived that the first principles of zoology were so little known. Is it possible that you do not know the elementary fact in comparative anatomy, that the wing of a bird is really the forearm, while the wing of a bat consists of three elongated fingers with membranes between?

Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live.

Women who miscalculate are called mothers.

There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?

We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.

If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there

Brains, you know, are suspect in the Republican Party.

I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Why join the navy if you can be a pirate?

#3 pencils and quadrille pads.(when asked what CAD tools he used to design the Cray I supercomputer )

How can one better magnify the Almighty than by sniggering with him at his little jokes, particularly the poorer ones?

Manhandling the open here spout on a milk carton so badly that one has to resort to using the illegal side.

Italians come to ruin most generally in three ways, women, gambling, and farming. My family chose the slowest one.