Sarcastic Quotes - Page 12

God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.

Alcohol doesn't console, it doesn't fill up anyone's psychological gaps, all it replaces is the lack of God. It doesn't comfort man. On the contrary, it encourages him in his folly, it transports him to the supreme regions where he is master of his own destiny.

Everyone has the right to run his own life- even if you're heading for a crash. What I'm against is blind flying.

You had to stand in line to hate him.

The male chromosome is an incomplete female chromosome. In other words the male is a walking abortion; aborted at the gene stage. To be male is to be deficient, emotionally limited; maleness is a deficiency disease and males are emotional cripples.

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.

Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today?

Don't take life too seriously.

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized.

Women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That is the difference between the sexes.

Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

Love sucks. Sometimes it feels good. Sometimes it's just another way to bleed.

Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

He hasn't an enemy in the world - but all his friends hate him.

I buy expensive suits - they just look cheap on me.

He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be under it, inspiring the cabbages.

I am tired of reading reviews that call A Good Man brutal and sarcastic. The stories are hard but they are hard because there is nothing harder or less sentimental than Christian realism.... when I see these stories described as horror stories I am always amused because the reviewer always has hold of the wrong horror.

When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.