Sarcastic Quotes - Page 24

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

When an opera star sings her head off? she usually improves her appearance.

For your information, I would like to ask a question.

The youth of America is their oldest tradition. It has been going on now for three hundred years.

Why was I born with such contemporaries?

I thought I could make a sarcastic joke about it. But it's based on my own struggle with how much to give, how much it's really helping or not, and how foolish or not I feel. Giving sometimes backfires.

An economist is a surgeon with an excellent scalpel and a rough-edged lancet, who operates beautifully on the dead and tortures the living.

Useless as a pulled tooth.

In India, 'cold weather' is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.

I squirm when I see athletes praying before a game. Don't they realize that if God took sports seriously he never would have created George Steinbrenner.

Good women are no fun... The only good woman I can recall in history was Betsy Ross. And all she ever made was a flag.

I only read biographies, metaphysics and psychology. I can dream up my own fiction.

It isn't what I do, but how I do it. It isn't what I say, but how I say it, and how I look when I do it and say it.

In my deepest parts of sadness, I'm always making a joke or being sarcastic.

He is mad, bad and dangerous to know.

The characters are so flat and the dialogue so dull you expect it to be one of those movies whose existence is justified by a big final twist. But it's three days after the screening, and still no twist. Maybe it's coming in the mail?

One of the simple but genuine pleasures in life is getting up in the morning and hurrying to a mousetrap you set the night before.

The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of its behind.

He thinks by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.

He was trying to save both his faces.

It's a plastic surgeon you need, not a doctor

If a man writes a book, let him set down only what he knows. I have guesses enough of my own.

I once told a journalist that girls call me 'Kitten,' but I couldn't have been more sarcastic, and no matter how many times I've said that it was a joke, it still doesn't go away.

You have delighted us long enough.

With sixty staring me in the face, I have developed inflammation of the sentence structure and definite hardening of the paragraphs.