Sarcastic Quotes - Page 3

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity.

A good conscience is a continual Christmas.

My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them.

She is a peacock in everything but beauty!

Cultivate your curves - they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided.

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.

A sarcastic person has a superiority complex that can be cured only by the honesty of humility.

Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.

All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him.

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

God forbid that any book should be banned. The practice is as indefensible as infanticide.

Laws are like sausages, it is better not to see them being made.

The government is good at one thing. It knows how to break your legs, and then hand you a crutch and say, "See if it weren't for the government, you wouldn't be able to walk".

The consumer isn't a moron; she is your wife.

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.

It is true that liberty is precious; so precious that it must be carefully rationed.

Everybody who is incapable of learning has taken to teaching.