Sarcastic Quotes - Page 6

The time for action is past! Now is the time for senseless bickering!

Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.

I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't.

I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

Curse the blasted, jelly-boned swines, the slimy, the belly-wriggling invertebrates, the miserable soddingrotters, the flaming sods, the sniveling, dribbling, dithering, palsied, pulse-less lot that make up England today. They've got white of egg in their veins, and their spunk is that watery it's a marvel they can breed.

It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.

Everyone who ever walked barefoot into his child's room late at night hates Legos.

Woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat.

I have some sarcastic sides of me.

If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.

Her face was her chaperone.

I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half-empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?

The true God, the mighty God, is the God of ideas.

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.

You don't have to be the Dalai Lama to tell people that life's about change.

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

People always tell me "Have a nice day." Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.

I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

I'll bet your father spent the first year of your life throwing rocks at the stork.

So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.