Witty Quotes - Page 11

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.

My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings

I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer

So, my unsolicited advice to women in the workplace is this. When faced with sexism, or ageism, or lookism, or even really aggressive Buddhism, ask yourself the following question: “Is this person in between me and what I want to do?” If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way. Then, when you’re in charge, don’t hire the people who were jerky to you.

Surrealism in painting amounted to little more than the contents of a meagerly stocked dream world: a few witty fantasies, mostly wet dreams and agoraphobic nightmares.

My life needs editing.

Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Genius is more often found in a cracked pot than in a whole one.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?

I didn't know how babies were made until I was pregnant with my fourth child.

My contributions were many: First clown director, with witty sayings and flashily dressed, now called master of ceremonies.

I've met many thinkers and many cats, but the wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.

The world is divided into people who do things and people who get the credit.

A man who has never made a woman angry is a failure in life.

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.

Go, write it in a martial hand; be curst and brief; it is no matter how witty, so it be eloquent and fun of invention: taunt him with the licence of ink: if thou thou'st him some thrice, it shall not be amiss; and as many lies as will lie in thy shee.

Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.

I mean, I do love clever and witty, but I think that the 'Three Stooges' were geniuses. They'd have to be for their appeal to have lasted this long.