Top 25 Witty Quotes of 1402 - Page 25

Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.

Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.

Funny, Witty, Drinking

Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is far the best ending for one.

Funny, Friendship, Witty

Oscar Wilde, Russell Jackson, Joseph Bristow, Ian Small (2000). “The Complete Works of Oscar Wilde: The picture of Dorian Gray : the 1890 and 1891 texts”, p.175, Oxford University Press on Demand

I'm a woman of very few words, but lots of action.

Mae West

Sarcastic, Witty, Humorous

Mae West (1967). “The wit and wisdom of Mae West”

Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often.

Mae West

Change, Sarcastic, Witty

When children are doing nothing, they are doing mischief.

Henry Fielding

Hilarious, Witty, Children

Henry Fielding (1780). “The history of Tom Jones, a foundling”, p.71

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

Groucho Marx

Funny, Happiness, Witty

Dust jacket for S. J. Perelman, Dawn Ginsbergh's Revenge (1929). This is described in Show Magazine, Nov. 1961.

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

Groucho Marx

Funny, Witty, Humorous

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

Groucho Marx

Funny, Witty, Humorous

Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.

George Carlin

Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

I drink no more than a sponge.

Francois Rabelais

Funny, Witty, Drinking

Francois Rabelais “Gargantua and Pantagruel: Five Books of the Lives, Heroic Deeds and Sayings of Gargantua and his Son Pantagruel”, Library of Alexandria

Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.

Don Marquis

Funny, Hope, Witty

Don Marquis (2012). “Archy and Mehitabel”, p.54, Anchor

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

David Gerrold

Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine.

David Brenner

Funny, Girl, Witty

I have never been hurt by what I have not said.

Calvin Coolidge

Funny, Witty, Hurt

I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.

Bette Davis

Funny, Life, Witty

Tell the truth and you won't have so much to remember

Abraham Lincoln

Witty, Remember, Telling The Truth

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Woody Allen

Death, Witty, Humorous

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

Woody Allen

Funny, God, Witty

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has no heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

Winston Churchill

Witty, Powerful, Humorous

She marking them begins a wailing note And sings extemporally a woeful ditty How love makes young men thrall and old men dote How love is wise in folly, foolish-witty Her heavy anthem still concludes in woe, And still the choir of echoes answer so.

William Shakespeare

Wise, Witty, Love Is

William Shakespeare, Katherine Duncan-Jones, H. R. Woudhuysen (2007). “Poems: Third Series”, p.203, Cengage Learning EMEA