Witty Quotes - Page 28

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

I'll sleep when I'm dead.

(My proudest moment as a child was the time I beat my uncle Pierre at Scrabble with the seven-letter word FARTING.)

All for one; one for all.

Every woman should have a purse of her own.

I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.

If you want to be witty, work on your character and say what you think on every occasion.

Great God! This is an awful place.

I'm so smart now. Everyone's always like 'take your top off'. Sorry, NO! They always want to get that money shot. I'm not stupid.

Why don't you write books people can read?(to her husband James)

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.

I basically try not to waste any lines in any of my songs, and I think the witty phrases and funny lyrics I have bring a smarter sound to college hip-hop.

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

Sex: the pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable.

There is nothing as tragic as being alive and not enjoying life... Life should be celebrated!

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.

He--the country parson--is not witty or learned or eloquent, but holy.

No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.

Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

Everything in life is somewhere else, and you get there in a car.

I usually lump organized religion, organized labor, and organized crime together. The Mafia gets points for having the best restaurants

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

My husband taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.