Witty Quotes - Page 23

An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all.

I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle, it's much too confining.

There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no circumstances can the food be omitted.

Nice people don't necessarily fall in love with nice people.

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.

Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.

I was brought up by very witty people who were dealing with quite difficult things: disease and death... I was brought up by people who tended to giggle at funerals.

Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

Since a politician never believes what he says, he is quite surprised to be taken at his word.

I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.

Generally speaking, there is more wit than talent in the world. Society swarms with witty people who lack talent.

Normal is in the eye of the beholder.

O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

He in a few minutes ravished this fair creature, or at least would have ravished her, if she had not, by a timely compliance, prevented him.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

I am neither Christian enough nor charitable enough to like anybody just because he is alive and breathing. I want people to interest or amuse me. I want them fascinating and witty or so dul as to be different. I want them either intellectually stimulating or wonderfully corny; perfectly charming or hundred percent stinker. I like my chosen companions to be distinguishable from the undulating masses and I don't care how.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.