Witty Quotes - Page 9

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary.

Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.

I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.

Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car."

Clever and attractive women do not want to vote; they are willing to let men govern as long as they govern men.

The only possible conclusion the social sciences can draw is: some do, some don't.

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?

When a man is wrapped up in himself, he makes a pretty small package.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

For NASA, space is still a high priority.

Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.

No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.

He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches.

I would have girls regard themselves not as adjectives but as nouns.

I never cared for fashion much, amusing little seams and witty little pleats: it was the girls I liked.

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure - that is all that agnosticism means.

Men, their rights, and nothing more; women, their rights, and nothing less.

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?