Authors:

A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H
I
J
K
L
M
N
O
P
Q
R
S
T
U
V
W
X
Y
Z

George Carlin Quotes about Life

All George Carlin Quotes Abortion Age Aging Airplane Alcohol Art Atheism Atheist Balance Baseball Beer Belief Boundaries Bullshit Cancer Children Choices Church Comedy Cooking Country Crime Culture Cynicism Death Drinking Dying Earth Effort Environment Evil Family Feelings Fighting Food Football Friday Fun Funny Getting High Giving Giving Up God Golf Growth Guilt Hard Work Hate Hatred Heart Hell Holiday Home Honesty House Humanity Hurt Hypocrisy Inspiration Inspirational Jesus Judging Killing Language Laughter Life quotes Lying Memories Military Money Morning Mountain Observation Office Pain Past Peace Perspective Philosophy Pleasure Police Pot Prayer Quality Rain Reading Religion Running Safety Sarcasm School Science Selling Shame Sleep Smile Smoking Soul Speed Sports Talent Team Time Today Travel Truth Values Vegetarian Voting Waiting Wall War Water Wife Work Worry Worship Writing

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

Funny, Life, Witty

Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man ... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money.

Funny, Life, Motivational

Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.

Inspirational, Life, Birthday

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

Funny, Life, Witty

George Carlin (2015). “3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”, p.205, Hachette UK

Everyone smiles in the same language.

Inspirational, Funny, Life

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

Inspirational, Funny, Life

"Carlin on Campus". Documentary, Comedy, 1984.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

Inspirational, Life, Music

George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.

Funny, Life, Humor

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

Inspirational, Life, What If

Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.

Inspirational, Funny, Life

People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.

Funny, Life, People

George Carlin (2004). “When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”, Hyperion

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

Funny, Life, Reality

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

Inspirational, Funny, Life

A good motto to live by: "Always try not to get killed.

Funny, Life, Sarcastic

Always do whatever's next.

Inspirational, Funny, Life

George Carlin (2015). “3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”, p.217, Hachette UK

Is there another word for synonym?

Inspirational, Life, Synonym

If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

Funny, Life, Smile

George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

How is it possible to have a civil war?

Inspirational, Funny, Life

Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

Inspirational, Funny, Life

You have to be realistic about terrorism. Certain groups of people, certain groups, Muslim fundamentalists, Christian fundamentalists, Jewish fundamentalists, and just plain guys from Montana, are going to continue to make life in this country very interesting for a long, long time.

Life, Christian, Country

George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

The status quo sucks.

Funny, Life, Humor

Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.

Inspirational, Funny, Life

George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

I find it discouraging - and a bit depressing - when I notice the unequal treatment afforded by the media to UFO believers on the one hand, and on the other, to those who believe in an invisible supreme being who inhabits the sky.

Inspirational, Funny, Life

George Carlin (2004). “When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”, Hyperion

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

Life, Time, Calendars

George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.

Life, Different, Phrases

George Carlin (2015). “3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”, p.192, Hachette UK

You May Also Like: