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Mark Twain Quotes - Page 93

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Low comedies are written for the drawing-room, the kitchen and the stable, and if you cut out the kitchen and the stable the drawing-room can't support the play by itself.

Low comedies are written for the drawing-room, the kitchen and the stable, and if you cut out the kitchen and the stable the drawing-room can't support the play by itself.

Mark Twain
Cutting, Play, Drawing
Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain’s Letters & Speeches (Annotated Edition)”, p.334, Jazzybee Verlag

when you recollect something which belonged in an earlier chapter, do not go back, but jam it in where you are . Discursiveness does not hurt an autobiography in the least.

Mark Twain
Hurt, Doe, Jam
Mark Twain (2010). “Autobiography of Mark Twain, Volume 1: The Complete and Authoritative Edition”, p.8, Univ of California Press

He [George Washington Cable] has taught me to abhor and detest the Sabbath day and hunt up new and troublesome ways to dishonor it.

Mark Twain
Way, Taught, Dishonor
George Washington Cable, Mark Twain, Arlin Turner (1960). “Mark Twain [and] G. W. Cable: the record of a literary friendship”

It is a mystery that is hidden from me by reason that the emergency requiring the fathoming of it hath not in my life-days occurred, and so, not having no need to know this thing, I abide barren of the knowledge.

Mark Twain
Needs, Emergencies, Mystery
Mark Twain (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Mark Twain (Illustrated)”, p.1297, Delphi Classics

it is not wise to keep the fire going under a slander unless you can get some large advantage out of keeping it alive. Few slanders can stand the wear of silence.

Mark Twain
Wise, Fire, Silence
Mark Twain, Harriet Elinor Smith (2012). “Autobiography of Mark Twain: Reader's Edition”, p.392, Univ of California Press

There has never been a Protestant boy nor a Protestant girl whose mind the Bible has not soiled.

Mark Twain
Girl, Boys, Mind
Mark Twain (2013). “Autobiography of Mark Twain”, p.135, Univ of California Press

When you got to the table you couldn't go right to eating, but you had to wait for the widow to tuck down her head and grumble a little over the victuals, though there warn't really anything the matter with them. That is, nothing only everything was cooked by itself. In a barrel of odds and ends it is different; things get mixed up, and the juice kind of swaps around, and the things go better.

Mark Twain
Prayer, Odds, Waiting
Mark Twain (2010). “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn”, p.8, Collector's Library

It is the will of God that we must have critics, and missionaries, and Congressmen, and humorists, and we must bear the burden. Meantime, I seem to have been drifting into criticism myself. But that is nothing. At the worst, criticism is nothing more than a crime, and I am not unused to that.

Mark Twain
Criticism, Bears, Crime
Mark Twain, Harriet Elinor Smith (2012). “Autobiography of Mark Twain: Reader's Edition”, p.201, Univ of California Press

All gentle cant and philosophizing to the contrary notwithstanding, no people in this world ever did achieve their freedom by goody-goody talk and moral suasion: it being immutable law that all revolutions that will succeed, must begin in blood.

Mark Twain
Freedom, Blood, Law
Mark Twain (2017). “The Complete Novels of Mark Twain (Illustrated): 12 American Classics & Author’s Biography: The Adventures of Tom Sawyer & Huckleberry Finn, A Horse’s Tale, The Prince and the Pauper, The American Claimant, The Mysterious Stranger…”, p.1544, e-artnow

Knighterrantry is a most chuckleheaded trade, and it is tedious hard work, too, but I begin to see that there is money in it, after all, if you have luck. Not that I would ever engage in it, as a business, for I wouldn't. No sound and legitimate business can be established on a basis of speculation. A successful whirl in the knighterrantry line--now what is it when you blow away the nonsense and come down to the cold facts? It's just a corner in pork, that's all.

Mark Twain
Hard Work, Successful, Blow
Mark Twain (2015). “A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court”, p.105, Xist Publishing

I pity the fellow who has to create a dialect or paraphrase the dictionary to get laughs. I can't spell, but I have never stooped to spell cat with a 'k' to get at your funny bone. I love a drink, but I never encouraged drunkenness by harping on its alleged funny side.

Mark Twain
Humor, Cat, Laughing

English humor is hard to appreciate, though, unless you are trained to it. The English papers, in reporting my speeches, always put 'laughter' in the wrong place.

Mark Twain
Laughter, Humor, Appreciate

Information appears to stew out of me naturally, like the precious otter of roses out of the otter.

Mark Twain
Knowledge, Otters, Rose
Mark Twain (2008). “Roughing It”, p.2, ReadHowYouWant.com

...majority Patriotism is the customary Patriotism.

Mark Twain
Patriotism, Majority
Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.351, Courier Corporation

...one of the first achievements of the legislature was to institute a ten-thousand-dollar agricultural fair to show off forty dollars' worth of pumpkins in - however, the Territorial legislature was usually spoken of as the "asylum".

Mark Twain
Achievement, Firsts, Dollars
Mark Twain (2015). “Roughing It: Mark Twain's Collections”, p.327, 谷月社

Alas! those good old days are gone, when a murderer could wipe the stain from his name and soothe his trouble to sleep simply by getting out his blocks and mortar and building an addition to a church.

Mark Twain
Block, Sleep, Names

When a man stands on the verge of seventy-two you know perfectly well that he never reached that place without knowing what this life is - heartbreaking bereavement.

Mark Twain
Men, Two, Knowing
Mark Twain (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Mark Twain (Illustrated)”, p.7193, Delphi Classics

Evolution is the law of policies: Darwin said it, Socrates endorsed it, Cuvier proved it and established it for all time in his paper on The Survival of the Fittest. These are illustrious names, this is a mighty doctrine: nothing can ever remove it from its firm base, nothing dissolve it, but evolution.

Mark Twain
Science, Law, Names
Mark Twain, David Ketterer (1984). “The science fiction of Mark Twain”

Darwin abolished special creations, contributed the Origin of Species and hitched all life together in one unbroken procession of Siamese Twins, the whole evolved by natural and orderly processes from one microscopic parent germ.

Mark Twain
Life, Science, Parent
Mark Twain (2003). “Tales of Wonder”, p.223, U of Nebraska Press

Where are there are two desires in a man's heart he has no choice between the two but must obey the strongest, there being no such thing as free will in the composition of any human being that ever lived.

Mark Twain
Heart, Men, Two
Mark Twain (2015). “Autobiography of Mark Twain, Volume 3: The Complete and Authoritative Edition”, p.126, Univ of California Press

Man is the only animal that is cruel. It kills just for the sake of it.

Mark Twain
Peace, War, Animal

He does not care for flowers. Calls them rubbish, and cannot tell one from another, and thinks it is superior to feel like that.

Mark Twain
Flower, Thinking, Doe
Mark Twain, Howard G. Baetzhold, Joseph B. Mccullough (1996). “The Bible According to Mark Twain”, p.25, Simon and Schuster

That is a simple rule, and easy to remember. When I, a thoughtful and unblessed Presbyterian, examine the Koran, I know that beyond any question every Mohammedan is insane; not in all things, but in religious matters.

Mark Twain
Religious, Thoughtful, Simple
Mark Twain (2015). “Christian Science”, p.27, Sheba Blake Publishing

A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to you than the ninety-and -nine which you had to work for, and money won at faro or in stock snuggles into your heart in the same way.

Mark Twain
Heart, Luck, Dollars

Irrevence is another person's disrespect to your god; there isn't any word that tells what your disrespect to his god is.

Mark Twain
Religious, Disrespect, Persons
Mark Twain (2011). “No. 44, The Mysterious Stranger”, p.168, Univ of California Press

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