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P. J. ORourke Quotes - Page 11

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Newsmen believe that news is a tacitly acknowledged fourth branch of the federal system. This is why most news about government sounds as if it were federally mandated -- serious, bulky and blandly worthwhile, like a

Newsmen believe that news is a tacitly acknowledged fourth branch of the federal system. This is why most news about government sounds as if it were federally mandated -- serious, bulky and blandly worthwhile, like a high-fiber diet set in type.

Believe, Government, Sound

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.34, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

The U.S. tax code was written by A students. Every April 15 we have to pay somebody who got an A in accounting to keep ourselves from being sent to jail.

Jail, Pay, April

"A Government of Know-it-Alls". www.cbsnews.com. April 27, 2010.

How a peaceful, uncrowded place with ample wherewithal stays poor is hard to explain. How a conflict-ridden, grossly over-populated place with no resources whatsoever gets rich is simple. The British colonial government turned Hong Kong into an economic miracle by doing nothing.

Simple, Government, Miracle

P. J. O'Rourke (2011). “Eat the Rich: A Treatise on Economics”, p.132, Pan Macmillan

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

Giving, First Impression, Firsts

P.J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus”, p.19, Atlantic Books Ltd

Bachelors know all about parties. In fact, a good bachelor is a living, breathing party all by himself. At least that is what my girlfriend said when she found the gin bottles under the couch. I believe her exact words were, "You're a disgusting, drunken mess." And that's a good description of a party, if it's done right.

Girlfriend, Party, Believe

P. J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus: A Reader”, p.45, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

They don't like anyone who isn't Korean, and they don't like each other all that much, either. They're hardheaded, hard-drinking, tough little bastards, 'the Irish of Asia'.

Drinking, Littles, Asia

P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.47, Atlantic Books Ltd

There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please.

Liberty, Libertarian, Basic Human Rights

"The Liberty Manifesto". Speech delivered for the opening of the Cato Institute's headquarters in Washington, D.C., May 6, 1993.

If the wind is blowing like stink and everything is working right, a twelve-meter sailboat can go eleven and a half or twelve miles an hour, the same speed at which a bond lawyer runs around the Cental Park Reservoir.

Funny, Running, Wind

P.J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus”, p.159, Atlantic Books Ltd

I didn't see any NRA officials killing babies in Waco.

Baby, Gun, Killing

The Vietnamese Hoa were merchants and manufacturers. They were very successful and thus, according to the logic of Marxism, responsible for society's failures. The Hoa suffered the same fate as the pizza parlour in Spike Lee's Do The Right Thing except at the hands of the world's fourth largest army instead of a small, petulant movie director.

Successful, Army, Fate

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty”, p.327, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

God has no role to play in politics except to make sure politicians go where they belong. To hell.

Play, Political, Roles

That doesn't mean that you should just sit back and just let accidents happen to you. No, you have to go out and cause them yourself. That way you're in control of the situation.

Cute, Mean, Way

P. J. O'Rourke (1995). “Republican Party Reptile: The Confessions, Adventures, Essays and (Other) Outrages of P. J. O'Rourke”, p.143, Atlantic Monthly Press

I'm 61 years old. I'm not that fearful of the future, period. I'm not going to see that much of it.

Years, Periods, Fearful

Source: www.avclub.com

If I bring anything to the table, it's the fact that not everybody realizes they're funny. So I just point a finger.

Tables, Facts, Realizing

Source: www.avclub.com

You start out with Mad magazine, and you go right through the sort of black humor of Lenny Bruce, Lord Buckley, Mort Sahl, Paul Krassner... If you put Lenny together with Mad magazine and run it through the brain of a college student, you get National Lampoon.

Running, College, Mad

Source: www.avclub.com

Finland is a rich country. What have they got? They got Nokia phones and plywood. How'd they get so rich? Because they're free.

Country, Rich Countries, Phones

"P.J. O'Rourke Takes On 'The Wealth of Nations'". Interview with Neal Conan, www.npr.org. January 8, 2007.

You can keep the dining room clean by eating in the kitchen.

Kitchen, Dining, Rooms

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig”, p.21, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

The question nowadays is not what makes government work. The question is how do we make it stop.

Government, Government Work

Generally it's not a good idea to wear Banana Republic - type khaki journalist clothes in a war zone. You might look too much like something that's supposed to be shot, such as a journalist.

Funny, War, Ideas

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty”, p.249, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money.

Giving Money, People, Libertarian

P.J. O'Rourke (1991). “PARLIAMENT OF WHORES A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”

Rich white Protestant men have held on to some measure of power in America almost solely by getting women, blacks, and other disadvantaged groups to wear crippling foot fashions. This keeps them too busy with corns and bunions to compete in the job market.

Fashion, Jobs, Power

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.234, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Government proposes, bureaucracy disposes. And the bureaucracy must dispose of government proposals by dumping them on us.

Government, Rebellious, Proposal

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.85, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

You can smoke or drink on a golf course without interrupting the game, and you can take a leak - something you can't do on a squash court and shouldn't do in a swimming pool.

Golf, Swimming, Games

P.J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus”, p.507, Atlantic Books Ltd

Like Rick in Casablanca: "We'll always have Paris." When what we'll always have is, like, Brooklyn and arguments about [Lev] Trotsky.

Paris, Brooklyn, Argument

Source: www.avclub.com

Think of what big governments have gotten up to in this century : not one, but two world wars, the gulag, the holocaust, aerial bombing of civilian population centers, the Berlin Wall, nuclear explosions, the post office. A wicked individual might want these, but he wouldn't have the cash and connections to get them. A villainous corporation could afford them but has to market the products. The Vietnam draft would be a tough sell for even the most fiendish businessmen. "Get shot! Get killed! Get diseases from foreign women who despise you in their hearts!"

Wall, War, Heart

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