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P. J. ORourke Quotes - Page 13

All Quotes Addiction Alcohol Appearance Art Authority Boat Cancer Capitalism Caring Character Charity Children Church Coffee College Comedy Communism Cooking Country Culture Dating Death Debate Democracy Divorce Drinking Dying Earth Effort Environment Exercise Family Fashion Food Free Market Fun Funny Giving Golf Growth Health Heart Heaven History Home House Inspirational Journalism Killing Language Liberalism Liberty Life Loss Love Luck Lying Mom Money Morning Office Past Pleasure Politics Pollution Poverty Purpose Quality Reading Responsibility Running Sailing Satire School Sloth Smoking Socialism Sports Students Stupidity Style Taxes Trade Virtue Waiting War Wealth Wife Wine Worry Writing

Wearing a hat implies that you are bald if you are a man and that your hair is dirty if you are a woman.

Wearing a hat implies that you are bald if you are a man and that your hair is dirty if you are a woman.

Fashion, Dirty, Men

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.25, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Maybe a vague president and an incompetent and somewhat corrupt administration is what the nation needs.

President, Needs, Administration

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.29, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Never do anything to a clitoris with your teeth that you wouldn't do to an expensive waterproof wristwatch.

Teeth, Expensive

P. J. O'Rourke (1983). “Modern manners”, Dell Books

Government usually doesn't work. It doesn't work because it is political. People who are wise, good, smart, skillful, or hardworking don't need politics, they have jobs. The difference between the political process and an honest life is the difference between parading around waving picket signs while hollering catcalls in front of the White House and getting up in the morning to go make a living.

Wise, Morning, Jobs

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty”, p.198, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

In the past a man was expected to give his seat on a bus to a woman. Today it would be much more courteous for that man to give her his job.

Jobs, Work, Past

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.95, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Anyone who thinks he has a better idea of what's good for people than people do is a swine.

Life, Thinking, Ideas

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty”, p.17, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Positive rights are the right to shelter, the right to education, the right to health care, the right to a living wage. These things are - these are, I would call them, more properly, political rights rather than positive rights. And they are extremely tricky, because now we are dealing with things that are zero sum.

Positive, Zero, Health

"P.J. O'Rourke Takes On 'The Wealth of Nations'". Interview with Neal Conan, www.npr.org. January 8, 2007.

Cars would be safer on rails!

Car, Would Be, Rail

Source: www.avclub.com

The America's Cup is like driving your Lamborgini to the Gran Prix track to watch the charter buses race.

Funny, Race, America

P.J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus”, p.159, Atlantic Books Ltd

Cockfighting has always been my idea of a great sport -- two armed entrées battling to see who'll be dinner.

Sports, Ideas, Two

P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.101, Atlantic Books Ltd

The Arab peoples possess an ancient and highly developed civilization that is in many ways more sophisticated than our own. For instance, they invented algebra. And this is why we have to go to war with Saddam Hussein this minute and bomb the shish kebab out of him before he invents trig and chemistry and the whole of America flunks high school.

Funny, War, Humorous

P.J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus”, p.281, Atlantic Books Ltd

Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.

Wife, Dating, Advice

P.J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus”, p.23, Atlantic Books Ltd

Sometimes you need a B-2 bomber and sometimes you need your mother.

Mother, Needs, Bombers

First and foremost: Feed people.

People, Firsts

Source: www.avclub.com

Michael O'Donoghue was a very close friend of mine - very encouraging with my stuff, and really a great guy - but he was a no-kidding difficult person.

Guy, Stuff, Close Friends

Source: www.avclub.com

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.

Funny, Life, Fashion

P.J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus”, p.18, Atlantic Books Ltd

I've never been able to get it straight about what these people who are worried about the trade deficit are worried about. When they say that we're buying too much from overseas, that we're sending too many dollars overseas to get all these goods and services they got, they're saying that the American dollar is too strong and that is hurting our economy. And the result of this will be that the American dollar will get too weak, and that will hurt our economy.

Strong, Hurt, People

Human problems are complex. If something isn't complex it doesn't qualify as problematic. Very simple bad things are not worth troubling ourselves about.

Simple, Problem, Humans

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty”, p.14, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

I bought my first house because of Animal House.

Animal, House, Firsts

Source: www.avclub.com

In the Third World, honk your horn only under the following circumstances: 1. When anything blocks the road. 2. When anything doesn't. 3. When anything might. 4. At red lights. 5. At green lights. 6. At all other times.

Block, Light, World

P. J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus: A Reader”, p.209, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

When a couple decides to divorce, they should inform both sets of parents before having a party and telling all their friends. This is not only courteous but practical. Parents may be very willing to pitch in with comments, criticism, and malicious gossip of their own to help the divorce along.

Couple, Party, Divorce

P. J. O'Rourke (1983). “Modern manners”, Dell Books

Iraq's invasion of Kuwait is a case of bad men doing wrong things for wicked reasons. This is the full-sized or standard purebred evil and is easily recognized even by moral neophytes. Other malignities-drugs in America, famine in Africa and everything in the Middle East-are more complex. When combating those evils people sometimes have trouble deciding whom to shoot.

Men, Kuwait, Iraq

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer”, p.19, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.

Inspirational, New Year, Clever

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.138, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

The only really firm rule of taste about cross dressing is that neither sex should ever wear anything they haven't yet figured out how to go to the bathroom in.

Fashion, Sex, Taste

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.108, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

It's much better to have your arguments dismissed because you might be joking than to have your arguments dismissed because you're not telling the truth.

Might, Argument, Telling The Truth

Source: www.avclub.com

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