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P. J. ORourke Quotes - Page 12

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How did an allegedly free people spawn a vast, rampant cuttlefish of dominion with its tentacles in every orifice of the body politic?

How did an allegedly free people spawn a vast, rampant cuttlefish of dominion with its tentacles in every orifice of the body politic?

People, Body, Dominion

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.3, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

In theory, taxes should be like shopping. What I buy is government services. What I pay are my taxes.

Government, Shopping, Pay

The Middle Eastern states aren't nations; they're quarrels with borders.

Funny, Humor, Borders

Italy is not technically part of the Third World, but no one has told the Italians.

World, Thirds, Third World

P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.66, Atlantic Books Ltd

If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.

Government, Liberty, Would Be

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Age and Guile Beat Youth, Innocence, and a Bad Haircut”, p.228, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

If I do, I say so. That's the only way out of that. If there are three words that need to be used more in American journalism, commentary, politics, personal life... it's the magic words "I don't know." I mean, there are certain basic principles, like the dignity of the individual and the individual's responsibility, and certain basic economic principles, like how when something costs less, more of it will be consumed... There are certain things that I feel pretty confident about.

Mean, Responsibility, Magic

Source: www.avclub.com

The morning meal was served in traditional socialist fashion - very slowly, with the courses out of order so that the jelly arrived half an hour after the toast and the coffee didn't come until we'd called for the check. However, it was hard to be angry at a place that had ice cream, beer, and cigarettes on its breakfast menu.

Fashion, Morning, Coffee

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty”, p.318, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

If we're going to improve the environment, the first thing we should do is duck the government. The second thing we should do is quit being moral. Screw the rights of nature. Nature will have rights as soon as it get duties. The minute we see birds, trees, bugs, and squirrels picking up litter, giving money to charity, and keeping an eye on our kids at the park, we'll let them vote.

Kids, Eye, Squirrels

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty”, p.201, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

People are always angry at America. They're absolutely certain that America either caused their problems or is deliberately not fixing their problems. But the anger is always directed at America and never at Americans.

Anger, America, People

That is the really great thing about being an adult male, once you get married and have children the whole decision-making process is taken out of your hands, and I for one am extremely grateful.

Children, Taken, Grateful

"PJ O'Rourke: 'Menus have become another intelligence test at which I fail'" by Tim Adams, www.theguardian.com. June 14, 2014.

Nothing bad is going to happen to us. If we get fired, it's not failure; its a midlife vocational reassessment.

Success, Midlife, Happens

P J O'Rourke (1992). “Parliament of Whores-Open Mark”, Vintage Books USA

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

People, Scary, Facts

P J O'Rourke (1992). “Parliament of Whores-Open Mark”, Vintage Books USA

People who are wise, good, smart, skillful, or hardworking don't need politics, they have jobs.

Wise, Jobs, Smart

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty”, p.198, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

I'm a registered Republican and consider socialism a violation of the American principle that you shouldn't stick your nose in other people's business except to make a buck.

People, Principles, Noses

P. J. O'Rourke (2016). “Republican Party Reptile: The Confessions, Adventures, Essays and (Other) Outrages of . . .”, p.38, Pan Macmillan

Sloths move at the speed of congressional debate but with greater deliberation and less noise.

Moving, Sloth, Noise

P. J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus: A Reader”, p.421, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

The problem isn't a Congress that won't cut spending or a president who won't raise taxes. The problem is an American public with a bottomless sense of entitlement to federal money.

Cutting, President, Problem

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.104, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

West Germans are tall, pink, pert and orthodontically corrected, with hands, teeth and hair as clean as their clothes and clothes as sharp as their looks. Except for the fact that they all speak English pretty well, they're indistinguishable from Americans.

Funny, Humorous, Hair

P.J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus”, p.257, Atlantic Books Ltd

The average IQ in America is—and this can be proven mathematically—average.

Average, America, Proven

Bureaucrats want bigger bureaus. Special interests are interested in whatever's special to them. These two groups bring great pressure to bear upon politicians who have another agenda yet: to cater to the temporary whims and fads of the public and the press.

Two, Special, Pressure

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty”, p.197, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Ever read any [Friedrich] Hayek? He's great. The Road To Serfdom is like... I'm not a big political-science reader, but I actually dog-eared my copy. I ended up going back through it and writing a précis, I was so impressed by this book. It's all about what happens when government tries to make everything right.

Dog, Book, Writing

Source: www.avclub.com

Globalization is simply opening the free marketplace to encompass the entire world.

World, Globalization, Free Market

Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fishermen.

Funny, Sports, Country

The body is forever teaching us lessons. There are all sorts of things that we can't do, shouldn't do, had better not do very often or do for too long as we get older. The body makes its presence known.

Teaching, Long, Forever

A careful reading of 50 Simple Things leaves you wondering whether you're going to die from environmental disaster or intellectual annoyance. Failing either, you can worry yourself to death.

Reading, Simple, Worry

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty”, p.147, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Politics doesn't work. Look at the parts of America where government has had the most power, where government has spent the most money. Look at the housing projects we've got the poor people in.

Government, America, People

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