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P. J. ORourke Quotes - Page 9

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Government isn't a good way to solve problems ... [G]overnment is concerned mostly with self-perpetuation and is subject to fantastic ideas about its own capabilities. ... [G]overnment is wasteful of the nation's

Government isn't a good way to solve problems ... [G]overnment is concerned mostly with self-perpetuation and is subject to fantastic ideas about its own capabilities. ... [G]overnment is wasteful of the nation's resources, immune to common sense and subject to pressure from every half-organized bouquet of assholes. ... [G]overnment is distrustful of and disrespectful toward average Americans while being easily gulled by Americans with money, influence or fame.

Government, Self, Average

I'm not guaranteeing what we come up with will be better for the planet. There is ethanol, for instance, which actually nets out with more pollution at greater expense, and more harm to the environment than petroleum, but we'll come up with something.

Environment, Pollution, Planets

Source: www.avclub.com

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Funny, Clever, Smart

It takes a lot of weapons to do good works (as Richard the Lionhearted could have told us). And this is not just a Somali problem. We have poverty and deprivation in our own country. Try standing unarmed on a street corner in Compton handing out twenty-dollar bills and see how long you last.

Country, Long, Trying

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty”, p.86, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Humor is, by its nature, more truthful than factual.

Funny, Humor, Truthful

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.10, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

There's nothing more oily and cynical in politics than telling the truth.

Cynical, Politics, Telling The Truth

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.217, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

There's a certain kind of behavior in the Arab world that, to me, resembles the way young men behave when there is no significant influence from women in their lives.

Men, World, Way

Conversation with P. J. O'Rourke, www.theatlantic.com. September, 2004.

When you think of the good old days, think one word: dentistry.

Thinking, Liberty, Libertarian

You can always reason with a German. You can always reason with a barnyard animal, too, for all the good it does.

Sarcastic, Humorous, Animal

P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.165, Atlantic Books Ltd

People shouldn't be treated like objects. They aren't that valuable.

People, Valuable, Treated

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.100, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Anyhow, all mankind's ideas and interests, all human aims and motives, are exhibited, fully formed, in a three-year-old child. The kid is just operating on a smaller scale and lacks the advantage of having made enormous soft-money campaign contributions to political candidates.

Children, Humorous, Kids

P. J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus: A Reader”, p.722, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

The only really good vegetable is Tabasco sauce. Put Tabasco sauce in everything. Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin. The next best vegetable is the jalapeno pepper. It has the virtue of turning salads into practical jokes.

Vegetables, Stupidity, Cooking

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig”, p.57, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

There's no such thing as a race and barely such a thing as an ethnic group. If we were dogs, we'd be the same breed.... Trouble doesn't come from Slopes, Kikes, Niggers, Spics or White Capitalist Pigs; it comes from the heart.

Dog, Heart, Race

The real alternative to power of the rich is not power of the poor. It's just plain power.

Real, Alternatives, Rich

All lies are told with a straight face. It is truth that's said with a dismissive giggle.

Lying, Faces, Cynicism

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer”, p.88, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Masochists are people that have pleasure confused with pain. In a world that has television confused with entertainment, doritoes confused with food, and Dan Quayle confused with a national political leader, masochists are clearly less mixed-up than the rest of us.

Pain, Confused, People

Maybe it's understandable what a history of failures America's foreign policy has been. We are, after all, a country full of people who came to America to get away from foreigners. Any prolonged examination of the U.S. government reveals foreign policy to be America's miniature schnauzer -- a noisy but small and useless part of the national household.

Country, Government, America

P.J. O'Rourke (1991). “PARLIAMENT OF WHORES A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”

Veal is a very young beef and, like a very young girlfriend, it's cute but boring and expensive.

Cute, Girlfriend, Food

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig”, p.54, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

It's the squares who know how to fly the fighter planes and operate the missiles and the bombs and work the M-16s. Liberals would still be fumbling with the federally mandated trigger locks.

Funny, Humor, Squares

Then there was communism's weak-tea sister, socialism. Socialists maintained that we shouldn't take all the money away from all the people since all the people don't have money. We should take all the money away from only the people who make money. Then, when we run out of that, we could take more money from the people who...hey, wait! Where'd you people go? What do you mean you're "tax exiles in Monaco?"

Running, Mean, People

P.J. O'Rourke (2014). “The C.E.O. of the Sofa”, p.83, Atlantic Books Ltd

I'd known the people at Rolling Stone for a while. I'd gone to them with a piece I'd done on Beirut for Vanity Fair that Vanity Fair didn't want to publish, because they said I was making fun of death... This was Tina Brown.But they paid me for it. So I've got this big chunk of a piece, and Rolling Stone liked it, but they thought it was a little dated. But then they called me back and asked me to do a similar piece about the Turks and Caicos Islands, where the whole government had been arrested for dope smuggling. That was fun.

Fun, Dope, Islands

Source: www.avclub.com

Fashionably amusing table manners are a matter of breaking the right rule at the right time.

Tables, Matter, Table Manners

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.40, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Some jobs are worse than actual wives. Ad agency vs. Matrimony, for instance: Even the most capricious and demanding spouse is not going to divorce you for refusing to spend forty hours a week making up lies about toilet paper.

Jobs, Lying, Humorous

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig”, p.42, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

There's a lot of debate on this subject - about what kind of car handles best. Some say a a front-engined car, some say a rear-engined car. I say a rented car. Nothing handles better than a rented car. You can go faster, turn corners sharper, and put the transmission into reverse while going forward at a higher rate of speed in a rented car than in any other kind.

Car, Kind, Debate

The Tenth Commandment sends a message to socialists, to egalitarians, to people obsessed with fairness, to American presidential candidates in the year 2000 - to everyone who believes that wealth should be redistributed. And that message is clear and concise: Go to Hell.

Believe, Years, America

P. J. O'Rourke (2011). “Eat the Rich: A Treatise on Economics”, p.160, Pan Macmillan

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