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P. J. ORourke Quotes - Page 2

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The whole idea of our government is this: If enough people get together and act in concert, they can take something and not pay for it.

The whole idea of our government is this: If enough people get together and act in concert, they can take something and not pay for it.

Government, Ideas, People

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.232, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Many reporters, when they go to work in the nation's capital, begin thinking of themselves as participants in the political process instead of glorified stenographers.

Thinking, Political, Process

P. J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus: A Reader”, p.229, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.

Inspirational, Funny, Witty

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “The Enemies List”, p.7, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.

Witty, Government, Political

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.14, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Politicians are wonderful people as longa as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living.

People, Wonderful, Politician

A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them.

Life, Government, Political

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.25, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Term limits aren't enough. We need jail.

Jail, Needs, Term Limits

"The Liberty Manifesto". Speech at the opening of the Cato Institute's headquarters in Washington, D.C., www.cato.org. May 06, 1993.

You know, if government were a product, selling it would be illegal. Government is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more people than cigarettes or unbuckled seat belts ever have.

Government, People, Liberty

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Age and Guile Beat Youth, Innocence, and a Bad Haircut”, p.228, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.

Family, Children, Growing Up

Although computer-generated artificial intelligence eludes us, artificial stupidity has been perfected.

Elude Us, Stupidity, Computer

P. J. O'Rourke (2011). “Holidays in Heck”, p.57, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Poverty can't be eliminated by punishing people who've escaped poverty.

People, Poverty, Perdition

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty”, p.15, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race. All through history, mankind has been bullied by scum. Those who lord it over their fellows and toss commands in every direction and would boss the grass in the meadow about which way to bend in the wind are the most depraved kind of prostitutes. They will submit to any indignity, perform any vile act, do anything to achieve power. The worst off-sloughings of the planet are the ingredients of sovereignty. Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy the whores are us.

Race, Government, Wind

P.J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus”, p.253, Atlantic Books Ltd

One of the annoying things about believing in free will and individual responsibility is the difficulty of finding somebody to blame your problems on. And when you do find somebody, it's remarkable how often his picture turns up on your driver's license.

Inspirational, Believe, Responsibility

"Housewives, Sure, but What Makes Them Real?" by Neil Genzlinger, www.nytimes.com. May 15, 2011.

Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.

Drinking, Ignorance, Stupid People

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer”, p.110, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free.

Inspirational, Humor, Thinking

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Age and Guile Beat Youth, Innocence, and a Bad Haircut”, p.228, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

The idea of a news broadcast once was to find someone with information and broadcast it. The idea now is to find someone with ignorance and spread it around.

Ignorance, Ideas, News

P.J. O'Rourke (2009). “Peace Kills”, p.60, Atlantic Books Ltd

Whatever the occasion, do not neglect alcohol. No other refreshment will do. Yes, alcohol kills brain cells, but it's very selective. It only kills the brain cells that contain good sense, shame, embarrassment, and restraint.

Funny, Humorous, Drinking

P.J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus”, p.42, Atlantic Books Ltd

You can't shame or humiliate modern celebrities. What used to be called shame and humiliation is now called publicity.

Acceptance, Publicity, Shame

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “The Enemies List”, p.5, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

When a thing defies physical law, there's usually politics involved.

Law, Involved

P.J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus”, p.361, Atlantic Books Ltd

In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.

Death, Failure, Character

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.74, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Remember that all tax revenue is the result of holding a gun to somebody's head. Not paying taxes is against the law. If you don't pay your taxes, you'll be fined. If you don't pay the fine, you'll be jailed. If you try to escape from jail, you'll be shot. ... Therefore, every time the government spends money on anything, you have to ask yourself, 'Would I kill my kindly, gray-haired mother for this?'

Mother, Gun, Law

A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something brussel sprouts never do.

Funny, Food, Wine

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig”, p.57, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Politics is the business of getting power and privilege without possessing merit

Privilege, Merit, Possessing

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty”, p.12, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and we can fix that."

Funny, Humorous, Party

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.30, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Some women want the strong silent type, so they can tell him to shut up and rearrange the furniture.

Strong, Want, Furniture

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