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P. J. ORourke Quotes - Page 5

All Quotes Addiction Alcohol Appearance Art Authority Boat Cancer Capitalism Caring Character Charity Children Church Coffee College Comedy Communism Cooking Country Culture Dating Death Debate Democracy Divorce Drinking Dying Earth Effort Environment Exercise Family Fashion Food Free Market Fun Funny Giving Golf Growth Health Heart Heaven History Home House Inspirational Journalism Killing Language Liberalism Liberty Life Loss Love Luck Lying Mom Money Morning Office Past Pleasure Politics Pollution Poverty Purpose Quality Reading Responsibility Running Sailing Satire School Sloth Smoking Socialism Sports Students Stupidity Style Taxes Trade Virtue Waiting War Wealth Wife Wine Worry Writing

And worrying is less work than doing something to fix the worry. This is especially true if we're careful to pick the biggest possible problems to worry about. Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody want to help Mom

And worrying is less work than doing something to fix the worry. This is especially true if we're careful to pick the biggest possible problems to worry about. Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody want to help Mom do the dishes.

Mom, Worry, Earth

These were people who believed everything about the Soviet Union was perfect, but they were bringing their own toilet paper.

Perfect, People, Toilets

P. J. O'Rourke (2016). “Republican Party Reptile: The Confessions, Adventures, Essays and (Other) Outrages of . . .”, p.38, Pan Macmillan

So-called Western Civilization, as practised in half of Europe, some of Asia and a few parts of North America, is better than anything else available. Western civilization not only provides a bit of life, a pinch of liberty and the occasional pursuance of happiness, it's also the only thing that's ever tried to. Our civilization is the first in history to show even the slightest concern for average, undistinguished, none-too-commendable people like us.

Average, Europe, Civilization

Government does not cause affluence. Citizens of totalitarian countries have plenty of government and nothing of anything else.

Country, Government, Doe

P. J. O'Rourke (2011). “Eat the Rich: A Treatise on Economics”, p.5, Pan Macmillan

It was Ronald Reagan who used to say that the 10 most frightening words in the English language are, "I'm from the federal government, and I'm here to help."

Government, Helping, Language

Dates used to be made days or even weeks in advance. Now dates tend to be made the day after. That is, you get a phone call from someone who says, "If anyone asks, I was out to dinner with you last night, okay?"

Night, Phones, Dating

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.99, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Just as some things are too strange for fiction, others are too true for journalism.

Fiction, Strange, Journalism

The motorcycle is a device created by the team of God and Darwin to rid the world of useless young males.

Team, Motorcycle, Males

P. J. O'Rourke (2010). “Driving Like Crazy: Thirty Years of Vehicular Hell-Bending, Celebrating America the Way It's Supposed To Be With an Oi”, p.29, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Maybe a nation that consumes as much booze and dope as we do and has our kind of divorce statistics should pipe down about "character issues."

Character, Divorce, Dope

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.32, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

This country was founded by religious nuts with guns.

Country, Religious, Gun

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Age and Guile Beat Youth, Innocence, and a Bad Haircut”, p.228, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

There are no kinder or better people in the world than those who listen to you when you are 18.

People, World, Kinder

African famine is not a visitation of fate. It is largely man-made, and the men who made it are largely Africans.

Fate, Men, He Man

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer”, p.100, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Abstract anger is great for rhetorical carrying on. You can go on endlessly about the post office, but it doesn't mean you're mad at your mailman.

Inspirational, Mean, Office

Good manners can replace morals. It may be years before anyone knows if what you are doing is right. But if what you are doing is nice, it will be immediately evident.

Nice, Years, Good Man

P.J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus”, p.15, Atlantic Books Ltd

Everything that's fun in life is dangerous. Horse races, for instance, are very dangerous. But attempt to design a safe horse and the result is a cow ... It is impossible to be alive and safe.

Horse, Fun, Race

P. J. O'Rourke (2016). “Republican Party Reptile: The Confessions, Adventures, Essays and (Other) Outrages of . . .”, p.35, Pan Macmillan

The difference between corporations and governments is governments have a monopoly on force. It's a lot easier to vote with your feet or your wallet than it is to change a government with your vote.

Government, Differences, Feet

You know, if government were a product, selling it would be illegal. ... Government contains impure ingredients - as anybody who's looked at Congress can tell you. ... government practices deceptive advertising. And the merest glance at the federal budget is enough to convict the government of perjury, extortion, and fraud. ... in a nutshell: government should be against the law. Term limits aren't enough. We need jail.

Law, Practice, Jail

Liberals have a quaint and touching faith that truth is on their side and an even quainter faith that journalists are on the side of truth.

Funny, Touching, Sides

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer”, p.53, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

I live in New Hampshire. We're in favor of global warming. Eleven hundred more feet of sea-level rises? I've got beachfront property. You tell us up there, "By the end of the century, New York City could be underwater," and we say, "Your point is?"

New York, Cities, Feet

Source: www.avclub.com

When politics are used to allocate resources, the resources all end up being allocated to politics.

Political, Liberty, Libertarian

Remember, your body needs 6 to 8 glasses of fluid daily. Straight up or on the rocks.

Funny, Drinking, Health

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig”, p.57, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

We'll run this planet as we please, and if you don't like it, go back where we came from.

Running, Government, Planets

Something is worth what somebody will pay for it. Nothing else, nothing more, nothing less.

Pay

"P.J. O'Rourke Takes On 'The Wealth of Nations'". "Talk Of The Nation" with Neal Conan, www.npr.org. January 8, 2007.

Any random group of thirty Vietnamese women will contain a dozen who make Julia Roberts look like Lyle Lovett.

Groups, Looks, Dozen

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty”, p.324, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce.

Marriage, Sympathy, Divorce

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.122, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

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