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P. J. ORourke Quotes - Page 6

All Quotes Addiction Alcohol Appearance Art Authority Boat Cancer Capitalism Caring Character Charity Children Church Coffee College Comedy Communism Cooking Country Culture Dating Death Debate Democracy Divorce Drinking Dying Earth Effort Environment Exercise Family Fashion Food Free Market Fun Funny Giving Golf Growth Health Heart Heaven History Home House Inspirational Journalism Killing Language Liberalism Liberty Life Loss Love Luck Lying Mom Money Morning Office Past Pleasure Politics Pollution Poverty Purpose Quality Reading Responsibility Running Sailing Satire School Sloth Smoking Socialism Sports Students Stupidity Style Taxes Trade Virtue Waiting War Wealth Wife Wine Worry Writing

Asia is the continent rhythm forgot. At best Asian music is off-brand American pop, like Sonny Bono in a karaoke bar. At worst Asian music sounds as if a truck full of wind chimes collided with a stack of empty oil drums during a birdcall contest.

Wind, Oil, Sound

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty”, p.338, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

El Salvador has the scenery of northern California and the climate of southern California plus - and this was a relief - no Californians.

Funny, California, Southern

P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.114, Atlantic Books Ltd

I've decided that my motto in life is "Get off my lawn." It's the right answer to everything.

Answers, Life Is, Motto

Source: www.avclub.com

Satan probably wouldn't have talked so big if God had been his wife.

Marriage, Wife, Satan

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.89, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

A world government run by the UN will be like getting an old, purblind, half-deaf substitute teacher.

Running, Teacher, World Government

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “The CEO of the Sofa”, p.7, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

If we want the whole world to be rich, we need to start loving wealth. In the difference between poverty and plenty, the problem is the pverty, not the difference. Wealth is good.

Differences, Needs, World

"Eat the Rich". Book by P. J. O'Rourke, www.sfgate.com. 1998.

America is the world's policeman, all right -- a big, dumb, mick flatfoot in the middle of the one thing cops dread most, a "domestic disturbance.

America, Dumb, Middle East

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer”, p.167, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Political systems must love poverty-they produce so much of it. Poor people make easier targets for a demagogue. No Mao or even Jiang Zemin is likely to arise on the New York Stock Exchange floor. And politicians in democracies benefit from destitution, too. The US has had a broad range of poverty programs for 30 years. Those programs have failed. Millions of people are still poor. And those people vote for politicians who favor keeping the poverty programs in place. There's a conspiracy theory in there somewhere.

New York, Years, People

P. J. O'Rourke (2011). “Eat the Rich: A Treatise on Economics”, p.156, Pan Macmillan

The Constitution is an equally forthright piece of work and quite succinct ... giving the complete operating instructions for a nation of 250 million people. The manual for a Toyota Camry, which only seats five, is four times as long.

Long, People, Giving

P.J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus”, p.213, Atlantic Books Ltd

In the end we beat them with Levi's 501 jeans. Seventy-two years of communist indoctrination and propaganda was drowned out by a three-ounce Sony Walkman. A huge totalitarian system...has been brought to its knees because nobody wants to wear Bulgarian shoes. Now they're lunch, and we're number one on the planet.

Years, Jeans, Shoes

"Thrown Under the Omnibus". Book by PJ O'Rourke, October 21, 2015.

Haitians weren't screwed-up, but everything political, intellectual, and material around them is.

Political, Intellectual, Materials

P. J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus: A Reader”, p.467, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Where self-interest is violently suppressed, it is replaced by a burdensome system of bureaucratic control which dries up the wellsprings of initiative and creativity.

Creativity, Self, Initiative

"Centesimus Annus". Encyclical Letter by Pope John Paul II, w2.vatican.va. May 01, 1991.

There is no virtue in compulsory government charity, and there is no virtue in advocating it. A politician who portrays himself as "caring" and "sensitive" because he wants to expand the government's charitable programs is merely saying that he's willing to try to do good with other people's money. Well, who isn't? And a voter who takes pride in supporting such programs is telling us that he'll do good with his own money - if a gun is held to his head.

Pride, Caring, Gun

"Why I Am a Conservative". Book by P. J. O'Rourke, 1996.

Lust, Pride, Sloth, and Gluttony, or, as we call them these days, "getting in touch with your sexuality," "raising your self-esteem," "relaxation therapy," and "being a recovered bulimic."

Self Esteem, Pride, Lust

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “The CEO of the Sofa”, p.105, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

To mistrust science and deny the validity of the scientific method is to resign your job as a human. You'd better go look for work as a plant or wild animal.

Jobs, Humor, Animal

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.197, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

The good news is that, according to the Obama administration, the rich will pay for everything. The bad news is that, according to the Obama administration, you're rich.

Political, Politics, Pay

So what if I don't agree with the Democrats? What's to disagree with? They believe everything. And what they don't believe, the Republicans do. Neither of them stands for anything they believe in, anyway.

Party, Believe, Political

"Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government". Book by P. J. O'Rourke, May 1991.

If libertarianism were easy to explain, and it weren't easy to exaggerate the effects of libertarianism, I think it would have been done already. Many many very intelligent people have applied themselves to crafting an agenda that people could grab ahold of. But the problem of course is that libertarianism isn't political. It is kind of anti-political. It wants to take a lot of things out of the political arena.

Intelligent, Thinking, People

What would annoy the most people most often? That is the true left-wing test of government intervention.

Government, Wings, People

When a private entity does not produce the desired results, it is (certain body parts excepted) done away with. But a public entity gets bigger.

Done, Doe, Bigger

"All the Trouble in the World". Book by P. J. O'Rourke, 1994.

The purpose of the Senate is to keep 100 middle aged knuckleheads out of the private sector where they can do real harm.

Real, Political, Knuckleheads

It's better to spend money like there's no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there's no money.

Funny, Money, Ireland And The Irish

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.288, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Good manners consist of doing precisely what everyone thinks should be done, especially when no one knows quite what that is.

Thinking, Good Man, Done

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.9, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures showing that when the official U.S. measure of poverty was developed in 1963, a poor American family had an income twenty-nine times greater than the average per capita income in the rest of the world. An individual American could make more money than 93 percent of the other people on the planet and still be considered poor.

Average, America, Long

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.127, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Marijuana is self-punishing. It makes you acutely sensitive, and in this world, what worse punishment could there be?

Marijuana, Self, Punishment

Rolling Stone, Nov. 1989

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