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P. J. ORourke Quotes - Page 7

All Quotes Addiction Alcohol Appearance Art Authority Boat Cancer Capitalism Caring Character Charity Children Church Coffee College Comedy Communism Cooking Country Culture Dating Death Debate Democracy Divorce Drinking Dying Earth Effort Environment Exercise Family Fashion Food Free Market Fun Funny Giving Golf Growth Health Heart Heaven History Home House Inspirational Journalism Killing Language Liberalism Liberty Life Loss Love Luck Lying Mom Money Morning Office Past Pleasure Politics Pollution Poverty Purpose Quality Reading Responsibility Running Sailing Satire School Sloth Smoking Socialism Sports Students Stupidity Style Taxes Trade Virtue Waiting War Wealth Wife Wine Worry Writing

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.

Golf, Long Walks, Two

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.265, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Wealth is, for most people, the only honest and likely path to liberty. With money comes power over the world. Men are freed from drudgery, women from exploitation. Businesses can be started, homes built, communities formed, religions practiced, educations pursued. But liberals aren't very interested in such real and material freedoms. They have a more innocent - not to say toddlerlike - idea of freedom. Liberals want the freedom to put anything into their mouths, to say bad words and to expose their private parts in art museums.

Art, Real, Home

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer”, p.21, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Then there's politics. Just imagine politics with its dumbbell element subtracted. There would be no Republican candidates. There would be no Democratic voters. The whole system would collapse.

Stupidity, Would Be, Elements

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Funny, Hilarious, Single

P. J. O'Rourke (1983). “Modern manners”, Dell Books

Wherever there's injustice, oppression, and suffering, America will show up six months late and bomb the country next to where it's happening.

Country, America, Suffering

P. J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus: A Reader”, p.1145, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Whenever government proposes to get involved in the regulation of trade, just be very, very careful about who's behind this proposal, what their motives are.

Government, Regulation, Proposal

I'd like to end the book a lot of ways. Except I don't have any answers. Use your common sense. Be nice. This is the best I can do. All the trouble in the world is human trouble. Well, that's not true. But when cancer cells run amok and burst out of the prostate and take over the liver and lymph glands and end up killing everything in the body including themselves, they certainly are acting like some humans we know.

Life, Running, Nice

"All the Trouble in the World. The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague and Poverty". Book by P. J. O'Rourke, 1994.

Summing it Up..."Where's a good place for dinner?" I asked. "There's the Brasserie Lipp on the Avenue St. Germaine," she said, "or La Coupole in Montmartre." "Not La Coupole," I said. "I've been there before. That's the place that's crowded and noisy and smells bad and everybody's rude as hell, isn't it?" "I think you just described France," she said.

Funny, Thinking, Smell

Drugs have taught an entire generation of kids the metric system

Kids, Drug, Generations

The number of American presidential candidates varies with the sunspot cycle and the phases of the moon. Being a Republican, I'm backing Hillary Clinton. Because she could lose. The reason is not that she's a woman. The reason is that she's the particular woman who taught the 4th grade class that every man in America wished he were dead in. Hillary Clinton is Lucy holding the football for Charlie Brown. Hillary Clinton is "America's ex-wife."

Football, Moon, Men

"Letter to Our European Friends" by P. J. O'Rourke, www.weeklystandard.com. February 4, 2008.

There are a lot of mysterious things about boats, such as why anyone would get on one voluntarily.

Funny, Mysterious Things, Sailing

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Holidays in Hell: In Which Our Intrepid Reporter Travels to the World's Worst Places and Asks, "What's Funny About Thi”, p.144, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Humor is a terrific tool for explaining things, especially when what you're explaining is frightening or dull and complicated.

Tools, Dull, Complicated

Vegetables are something God invented to let women get even with their children.

Children, Vegetables

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig”, p.57, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

The government is huge, stupid, greedy and makes nosy, officious and dangerous intrusions into the smallest corners of life - this much we can stand. But the real problem is that government is boring. We could cure or mitigate the other ills Washington visits on us if we could only bring ourselves to pay attention to Washington itself. But we cannot.

Real, Stupid, Government

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.4, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

One of the problems with being a writer is that all of your idiocies are still in print somewhere. I strongly support paper recycling.

Support, Paper, Recycling

Never Refuse Wine. It is an odd but universally held opinion that anyone who doesn't drink must be an alcoholic.

Wine, Opinion, Odd

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.288, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

One of the reporters must have flunked journalism school because he asked a question that went straight to the point.

Funny, School, Journalism

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty”, p.89, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Adam Smith pointed out that there were three things that make us more prosperous, in a general sort of way: freedom to pursue our own self-interest; specialization, which he called division of labor; and freedom of trade.

Self, Division Of Labor, Three

Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren't present.

Gossip, Flattery, Objects

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.71, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

.......the poor of the world cannot be made rich by redistribution of wealth. Poverty can't be eliminated by punishing people who've escaped poverty, taking their money and giving it as a reward to people who have failed to escape. Economic leveling doesn't work. Whether we call it Marxism, Progressive Reform, or Clintonomics, the result is the same slide into the stygian pit. Communists worship Satan; socialists think perdition is a good system run by bad men; and liberals want us to go to hell because it's warm there in the winter.

Running, Winter, Men

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty”, p.15, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

The Tenth Commandment sends a message to socialists, to collectivists, to people who believe that wealth is best obtained by redistribution, and that message is clear and concise . . . Egalitarianism is sinful; it's also cowardly.

Believe, Egalitarianism, People

Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there.

Government, Feel Good, Feelings

"Don't Give Up on ObamaCare Yet, Republicans" by David Harsanyi, www.realclearpolitics.com. March 28, 2013.

No government proposal more complicated than "This note is legal tender for all debts, public and private" ever works.

Government, Debt, Complicated

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Age and Guile Beat Youth, Innocence, and a Bad Haircut”, p.280, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Creative writing teachers should be purged until every last instructor who has uttered the words 'Write what you know' is confined to a labor camp. Please, talented scribblers, write what you don't. The blind guy with the funny little harp who composed The Iliad, how much combat do you think he saw?

Teacher, Writing, Thinking

The Democrats planned to fiddle while Rome burned. The Republicans were going to burn Rome, then fiddle.

Funny, Humorous, Party

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.30, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

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