W. C. Fields Quotes about Drinking

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.

Never give a sucker an even break.

I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.

We frequently hear of people dying from too much drinking. That this happens is a matter of record. But the blame is always placed on whisky. Why this should be I never could understand. You can die from drinking too much of anything - coffee, water, milk, soft drinks and all such stuff as that. And so as long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing. I will make mine whisky.

I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful; contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.

I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.

Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

I never drink water... fish f**k in it.

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

I drink therefore I am.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.

I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.