Fun Quotes - Page 12

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

The empty vessel makes the loudest sound.

Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.

If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut

A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it.

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.

Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet.

The reason why we have two ears and only one mouth is that we may listen the more and talk the less.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

I believe in the truth of fairy-tales more than I believe in the truth in the newspaper.

When's the last time you heard a funky diabetic?

I learned a long time ago that reality was much weirder than anyone's imagination.

Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

We need to remember what's important in life: friends, waffles, work. Or waffles, friends, work, it doesn't matter. But work is third.

How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.

God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages.

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.