Witty Quotes - Page 20

I'm willing to admit that I may not always be right, but I am never wrong.

Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of

Quoting E. B. White is the easiest way I know of to fool people into thinking that I am perceptive, witty, and wise.

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?

I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.

Life is extraordinarily suave and sweet with certain natural, witty, affectionate people who have unusual distinction and are capable of every vice, but who make a display of none in public and about whom no one can affirm they have a single one. There is something supple and secret about them. Besides, their perversity gives spice to their most innocent occupations, such as taking a walk in the garden at night.

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

In fact, to gull a fool seems to me an exploit worthy of a witty man.

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

A lot has been said about politics; some of it complimentary, but most of it accurate

Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.

We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe.

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

Interesting - I use a Mac to help me design the next Cray.(when he was told that Apple Inc. had recently bought a Cray supercomputer to help them design the next Mac )

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

Ladies who play with fire must remember that smoke gets in their eyes.

Women like a man with a past, but they prefer a man with a present

Given a choice between hearing my daughter say "I'm pregnant" or "I used a condom", most mothers would get up in the middle of the night and buy them herself.

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.