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David Letterman Quotes - Page 13

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Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

David Letterman
Good Times, Thunderstorm, Allegiance

Midnight, and the kitties are sleeping.

David Letterman
Sleep, Midnight, Kitties

Meryl Streep is on the program tonight. I like to throw her a little work whenever I can.

David Letterman
Tonight, Littles, Program

One day you're the leader of Iraq, the next day you're being checked for fleas on Fox News.

David Letterman
Next Day, Iraq, Leader
"The First Year Of The Iraq War, As Told Through Late Night TV Jokes" by Nick Robins-Early, www.huffingtonpost.com. March 20, 2018.

I heard doctors revived a man who had been dead for 4-1/2 minutes. When they asked him what it was like being dead, he said it was like listening to Yankees announcer Phil Rizzuto during a rain delay.

David Letterman
Rain, Men, Yankees

The candidates at the Republican debate looked like a town council that was outlawing dancing. They looked like a board of directors that was lying about poisoning a river.

David Letterman
Lying, Rivers, Dancing

Did you get the new iPhone yet? The iPhone that I have is outdated. It has two pieces and a hand crank.

David Letterman
Iphone, Hands, Two

There was a flight from Cleveland to New York City with just two people on board. There hasn't been two people on an airplane since the Wright brothers.

David Letterman
Brother, New York, Airplane

The Bush campaign for re-election has officially begun. They're actually running television commercials. Have you seen any of the television commercials? In one of the commercials, you see George Bush for thirty seconds. In another commercial, you get to see George Bush for sixty seconds - kind of like his stint in the National Guard.

David Letterman
Running, Television Commercials, Campaigns

Now all of us can talk to the NSA -- just by dialing any number.

David Letterman
Nsa, Numbers
"The Late Show with David Letterman", January 25, 2006.

Former governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, is promoting her new book and she's going to appear on the Oprah Winfrey Show. Sarah and Oprah. On the one hand, a very powerful woman qualified to be President of the United States, and on the other hand, you have Sarah ... But if you think about it, Sarah Palin and Oprah Winfrey have a lot in common. They both helped get Obama elected.

David Letterman
Powerful, Book, Thinking

Over the weekend Mitt Romney went body surfing. He has not body surfed since the '90s when he starred on 'Baywatch.'

David Letterman
Weekend, Surfing, Body

The senator got so tired on the campaign trail that he started kissing hands and shaking babies.

David Letterman
Baby, Tired, Kissing

At the Apple store, the people waiting in line for the iPhone 6 were trampled by the people waiting for the iPhone 7.

David Letterman
Iphone, Waiting In Line, Apples

Do you remember when you found out there was no Santa Claus? I was so upset I didn't think I'd be able to do the show.

David Letterman
Thinking, Upset, Santa

It is cold down in Washington, DC. They had to use an ice scraper on John Boehner's face to get the tears off, it was so cold.

David Letterman
Ice, Tears, Use
"John Boehner: from humble origin, fiscal cliff may be his undoing" by Ewen MacAskill, Rory Carroll, www.theguardian.com. December 22, 2012.

Osama bin Laden... lived in one house for, like, six years with three wives. And earlier today, they ruled his death was a suicide.

David Letterman
Suicide, Years, Wife

Rick Perry is now saying he thinks that Barack Obama's birth certificate is fake. I think Perry may have faked his driver's license.

David Letterman
Thinking, Fake, May

Mitt Romney had a horse competing in the Olympics. He didn't win. But next year, he'll be competing in 'Dancing with the Stars.'

David Letterman
Funny, Horse, Stars

I don't know what they are protesting at Occupy Wall Street but I'm on their side. But 10,000 protestors and one Porta Potty?

David Letterman
Wall, Sides, Potty

So the guy who shot Gadhafi was wearing a Yankees cap. Did you see that? If he'd had a Boston Red Sox hat on he probably would have missed.

David Letterman
Yankees, Boston, Guy

Moammar Gadhafi was found hiding in a storm sewer with a gold-plated gun. That's me in retirement, ladies and gentlemen.

David Letterman
Retirement, Gun, Gentleman

Rick Perry, started out like a ball of fire from Texas and then he started to drop and now he's retooling. He's adding advisers to his campaign team. This guy had advisers? Really?

David Letterman
Team, Fire, Texas

Rick Perry has now accused Mitt Romney of hiring illegal aliens to work on his hair.

David Letterman
Hair, Aliens, Illegal

George W. said he doesn't watch television. And, of course, well - the reason for that is the Clintons stole the White House satellite system.

David Letterman
White, House, Television

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