Jeff Foxworthy Quotes - Page 4

You know that you are a teacher when you spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children.

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.

You might be a redneck if Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.

You might be a redneck if your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.

You might be a redneck if you won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.

You might be a redneck if you consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.

You might be a redneck if during your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.

You might be a redneck if you had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

You might be a redneck if you consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.

You might be a redneck if you entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.

If someone at Fleet Farm offers you assistance and they don't work there you might live in Wisconsin.

I'm two decisions away from putting up drywall for a living. I am, and there's nothing wrong with that, but whatever I got, it's through the grace of God, and I've got to use it right.

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.

You might be a redneck if your vehicle has a two-tone paint job - primer red and primer gray.

You might be a redneck if you look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet 'Ms. Right

You break into my house, I will shoot you. My wife will shoot you and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.

Some people like to keep their grass cut really short, so they can see the intruders coming. Keep those kill zones open. I say let the grass grow tall so they don't know there's a house behind it. Some call it lazy, I say it's thinking.

You might be a redneck if you prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.

It's like cuddling with a Butterball turkey.

As an actor, there was that freedom of not having to worry about lights or marks or other people. It was just going out there and having fun with the character.

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

I was talking to Alan Jackson. He had his second Greatest Hits album. He said, You don't ever get into this really thinking you're gonna make it.

You might be a redneck if an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger changed your life.