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Mark Twain Quotes - Page 5

All Quotes 4th Of July Accomplishment Achievement Addiction Adventure Adversity Age Aging Alcohol Ambition Anxiety Appearance Appreciation Arguing Army Arrogance Art Atheism Atheist Attitude Authority Balance Beauty Beer Being Alone Belief Bible Bitterness Blame Bliss Bravery Business Censorship Challenges Change Character Charity Chastity Children Christianity Church Coffee College Comedy Communication Community Compassion Confidence Conflict Conscience Conservatism Constitution Cooking Country Courage Crime Criticism Dance Dancing Darkness Death Deception Defeat Democracy Design Desire Determination Devil Disappointment Diversity Divorce Doubt Drinking Duty Dying Earth Education Effort Encouragement Energy Enthusiasm Envy Epic Ethics Evidence Evil Exercise Experience Failing Failure Family Fashion Fear Feelings Fighting Finding Yourself Fitness Flattery Focus Food Forgiveness Free Speech Freedom Friends Friendship Fun Funeral Funny Future Genius Getting Older Giving Giving Up God Gold Good Times Gossip Grace Graduation Gratitude Greatness Greed Grief Grieving Growing Up Growth Happiness Happy Hard Times Hard Work Hate Healing Health Heart Heaven Hell Hilarious Hills Hinduism History Holiday Home Honesty Honor House Human Nature Humanity Humility Hunger Hunting Hurt Hypocrisy Ignorance Imagination Independence Individuality Innovation Insanity Inspiration Inspirational Inspiring Integrity Intelligence Journey Joy Judgement Judging Judgment Justice Kindness Knowledge Labor Language Laughter Law Of Attraction Leadership Learning Liars Liberty Life Life And Death Literature Loneliness Losing Loss Love Loyalty Luck Lying Madness Manners Marriage Math Memorial Day Memories Military Moderation Modesty Mom Monarchy Money Moon Morality Morning Motivation Motivational Mountain Music Nature New Year Office Opportunity Optimism Pain Parenting Passion Past Patriotism Peace Perception Perfection Perseverance Personality Philosophy Planning Pleasure Politics Positive Positive Thinking Positivity Poverty Power Praise Prayer Preaching Prejudice Pride Privacy Profanity Progress Prophecy Prosperity Purpose Quality Rain Reading Reading Books Reality Recovery Regret Religion Reputation Respect Responsibility Revolution Risk Running Sad Sadness Sailing Salvation Sanity Sarcasm Satan School Science Self Esteem Seven Shame Silence Simplicity Sin Skins Sleep Smoking Society Solitude Son Sorrow Soul Sports Spring Strength Struggle Study Stupidity Style Success Suffering Summer Sunday Sunshine Swimming Talent Taxes Teaching Temperance Temptation Time Today Trade Tradition Tragedy Training Travel Trust Truth Twins Undertaker Vacation Values Violence Virtue Vision Vocation Voting Waiting War Water Wealth Whiskey Wife Wine Winning Winter Wisdom Wit Work Worry Worship Writing Youth

A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch.

A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch.

Clever, Law, Lunch

I wonder if God created man because He was disappointed with the monkey.

Men, Monkeys, Wonder

Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it.

Funny, Witty, Baby

Most people can't bear to sit in church for an hour on Sundays. How are they supposed to live somewhere very similar to it for eternity?

Death, Atheist, Sunday

We are all ignorant; just about different things.

Ignorant, Different, Different Things

Additional problems are the offspring of poor solutions.

Problem, Poor, Offspring

Prediction is difficult- particularly when it involves the future.

Vision, Predictions, Difficult

The nation is divided, half patriots and half traitors, and no man can tell which from which.

Men, Half, Patriot

Mark Twain (1976). “Mark Twain speaking”

If you want love and abundance in your life, give it away.

Love, Giving, Want

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

Funny, Witty, Inspirational Life

Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.9, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the banjo and doesn't.

Music, Play, Gentleman

It is wiser to find out than to suppose.

Life, Change, Intelligence

Mark Twain (1972). “Everyone's Mark Twain”

Some people give their problems swimming lessons instead of drowning them.

Swimming, People, Giving

I saw a startling sight today, a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

Sight, Hands, Today

Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

Funny, Successful, Men

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

Funny, Life, Friendship

Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.31, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.

Motivational, Cute, Truth

Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.12, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.

Truth, Inspirational Life, Fiction

I hate to hear people say this Judge will vote so and so, because he is a Democrat -- and this one so and so because he is a Republican. It is shameful. The Judges have the Constitution for their guidance; they have no right to any politics save the politics of rigid right and justice when they are sitting in judgment upon the great matters that come before them.

Hate, People, Justice

Mark Twain (1960). “Mark Twain and the Government”

Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.

Funny, Fake People, Halloween

Following the Equator ch. 66, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar" (1897)

Few things are more irritating than when someone who is wrong is also very effective in making his point.

Humor, Ignorance, Politics

A photograph is a most important document, and there is nothing more damning to go down to posterity than a silly, foolish smile caught and fixed forever.

Photography, Silly, Forever

Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.356, Courier Corporation

Life is short, break the rules.

Life Is Too Short, Life Is Short, No Regrets

Worrying is paying interest on a debt you might not even owe.

Worry, Debt, Might

A Patriot is someone who stands for his country always, and for his government when it is deserved.

Country, Government, Patriot

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