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Mark Twain Quotes - Page 57

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Crowds stand around all day long and criticise that bridge, and find fault with it, and tell with unlimited frankness how it ought to have been planned, and how they would have built it had the city granted them the

Crowds stand around all day long and criticise that bridge, and find fault with it, and tell with unlimited frankness how it ought to have been planned, and how they would have built it had the city granted them the $14,000 it cost. It is really refreshing to hang around these and listen to them. A foreigner would come to the conclusion that all America was composed of inspired professional bridge builders.

Mark Twain
Bridges, Cities, America

Sum all the gifts that man is endowed with, and we give our greatest share of admiration to his energy. And today, if I were a heathen, I would rear a statue to Energy and fall down and worship it!

Mark Twain
Fall, Men, Giving
Mark Twain (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Mark Twain (Illustrated)”, p.8014, Delphi Classics

A mine is a hole in the ground with a liar on top.

Mark Twain
Liars, Holes, Mines

The way it is now, the asylums can hold the sane people, but if we tried to shut up the insane we should run out of building materials.

Mark Twain
Funny, Running, People
Mark Twain (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Mark Twain (Illustrated)”, p.5637, Delphi Classics

It has always been a peculiarity of the human race that it keeps two sets of morals in stock-the private and the real, and the public and the artificial.

Mark Twain
Real, Race, Two
Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.291, Courier Corporation

I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.

Mark Twain
Funny, Sarcastic, Sarcasm

I said there was nothing so convincing to an Indian as a general massacre. If he could not approve of the massacre, I said the next surest thing for an Indian was soap and education. Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run; because a half-massacred Indian may recover, but if you educate him and wash him, it is bound to finish him some time or other.

Mark Twain
Running, Educational, Long
"Mark Twain’s Comedy Classics". 190+ Stories & Sketches,

The insincerity of man-all men are liars, partial or hiders of facts, half tellers of truths, shirks, moral sneaks. When a merely honest man appears he is a comet-his fame is eternal-needs no genius, no talent-mere honesty

Mark Twain
Honesty, Liars, Men
Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.205, Courier Corporation

O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain.

Mark Twain
Pain, Gun, Soldier
Mark Twain, Caroline Thomas Harnsberger (2009). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.502, Courier Corporation

We grant God the possession of all the qualities of mind except the one that keeps the others healthy; that watches over their dignity; that focuses their vision true--humor.

Mark Twain
God, Healthy, Mind
Mark Twain, William M. Gibson (1969). “Mark Twain's Mysterious Stranger Manuscripts”, p.26, Univ of California Press

We write frankly and freely, but then we modify before we print.

Mark Twain
Writing, Censorship, Print
Mark Twain (1994). “Mark Twain on the damned human race”

There is no urge so great as for one man to edit another man's work.

Mark Twain
Men, Another Man, One Man

The darling mispronunciations of childhood! - dear me, there's no music that can touch it; and how one grieves when it wastes away and dissolves into correctness, knowing it will never visit his bereaved ear again.

Mark Twain
Grieving, Knowing, Childhood
Mark Twain (1889). “A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court”, p.393, Createspace Independent Pub

I cannot keep from talking, even at the risk of being instructive.

Mark Twain
Communication, Talking, Risk
Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.103, Courier Corporation

Guides cannot master the subtleties of the American joke.

Mark Twain
Guides, Masters, Subtlety
'The Innocents Abroad' (1869) ch. 27

Reputation is a hall-mark: it can remove doubt from pure silver, and it can also make the plated article pass for pure.

Mark Twain
Doubt, Reputation, Silver
Mark Twain (2004). “The Letters of Mark Twain”, p.13, 1st World Publishing

If I'd seen a playwright ever write an' play at the same time, I'd have given 'em more of a chance at cards. Can I get an 'amen?'

Mark Twain
Writing, Play, Cards

Human Beings are the only animals that blush, or need to.

Mark Twain
Animal, Needs, Humans

Tell the truth or trump-but get the trick.

Mark Twain
Truth, Honesty, Trump
Pudd'nhead Wilson ch. 1, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar" (1894)

The average American's simplest and commonest form of breakfast consists of coffee and beefsteak.

Mark Twain
Coffee, Average, Breakfast
Mark Twain (2004). “Mark Twain’s Helpful Hints for Good Living: A Handbook for the Damned Human Race”, p.63, Univ of California Press

If I had more time, I would have written less.

Mark Twain
More Time, Written, Ifs

Talking of patriotism, what humbug it is; it is a word which always commemorates a robbery.

Mark Twain
Talking, Patriotism, Humbug
Notebook, 26 May 1896

Words are only painted fire, a look is the fire itself. She gave that look, and carried it away to the treasury of heaven, where all things that are divine belong.

Mark Twain
Fire, Heaven, Looks
Mark Twain, General Press (2016). “The Complete Works of Mark Twain: All 13 Novels, Short Stories, Poetry and Essays”, p.223, GENERAL PRESS

What are the proper proportions of a maxim? A minimum of sound to a maximum of sense.

Mark Twain
Inspirational, Sarcastic, Writing
More Tramps Abroad ch. 23, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar" (1897)

Duties are not performed for duty's sake, but because their neglect would make the man uncomfortable. A man performs but one duty - the duty of contenting his spirit, the duty of making himself agreeable to himself.

Mark Twain
Men, Accountability, Sake
Mark Twain (2015). “Mark Twain's Essays: Top Essays”, p.16, 谷月社

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