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Mark Twain Quotes - Page 60

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The humorist who invented trial by jury played a colossal practical joke upon the world, but since we have the system we ought to try and respect it. A thing which is not thoroughly easy to do, when we reflect that by

The humorist who invented trial by jury played a colossal practical joke upon the world, but since we have the system we ought to try and respect it. A thing which is not thoroughly easy to do, when we reflect that by command of the law a criminal juror must be an intellectual vacuum, attached to a melting heart and perfectly macaronian bowels of compassion.

Mark Twain
Funny, Humorous, Heart
Mark Twain (1992). “Twain: Collected Tales, Sketches, Speeches, and Essays, Volume 1: 1852-1890”, p.725, Library of America

The two Testaments are interesting, each in its own way. The Old one gives us a picture of these people's Deity as he was before he got religion, the other one gives us a picture of him as he appeared afterward.

Mark Twain
Two, People, Giving
Mark Twain (1973). “What Is Man? and Other Philosophical Writings”, p.442, Univ of California Press

It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.

Mark Twain
Lying, Inspiration, Doe
Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.36, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

I am aware that I am very old now; but I am also aware that I have never been so young as I am now, in spirit, since I was fourteen and entertained Jim Wolf with the wasps. I am only able to perceive that I am old by a mental process; I am altogether unable to feel old in spirit. It is a pity, too, for my lapses from gravity must surely often be a reproach to me. When I am in the company of very young people I always feel that I am one of them, and they probably privately resent it.

Mark Twain
Often Is, People, Age
Mark Twain (2013). “Autobiography of Mark Twain”, p.266, Univ of California Press

It has taken a weary long time to persuade American Presbyterians to give up infant damnation and try to bear it the best they can.

Mark Twain
Giving Up, Taken, Long
Mark Twain (2015). “Mark Twain's Essays: Top Essays”, p.225, 谷月社

I said there was but one solitary thing about the past worth remembering, and that was the fact that it is past-can't be restored.

Mark Twain
Past, History, Facts
Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.349, Courier Corporation

We are called the nation of inventors. And we are. We could still claim that title and wear its loftiest honors if we had stopped with the first thing we ever invented, which was human liberty.

Mark Twain
Patriotic, Patriotism, Honor
Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.210, Courier Corporation

The proverb says that Providence protects children and idiots. This is really true. I know because I have tested it.

Mark Twain
Children, Idiot, Providence
Mark Twain (2002). “Mark Twain's Book for Bad Boys and Girls”, Mjf Books

By common consent of all the nations and all the ages the most valuable thing in this world is the homage of men, whether deserved or undeserved.

Mark Twain
Men, Age, World
Mark Twain (2016). “What Is Man? And Other Essays”, p.135, Xist Publishing

Cats are the wildest of the tame and the tamest of the wild

Mark Twain
Cat

Conscience, man's moral medicine chest.

Mark Twain
Men, Medicine, Moral
Mark Twain (1973). “What Is Man? and Other Philosophical Writings”, p.61, Univ of California Press

To my mind that literature is best and most enduring which is characterized by a noble simplicity.

Mark Twain
Simplicity, Mind, Noble
Mark Twain, Bob Blaisdell (2013). “Great Speeches”, p.32, Courier Corporation

The radical of one century is the conservative of the next.

Mark Twain
Radicalism, Next, Conservative
Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.393, Courier Corporation

The people of those foreign countries are very, very ignorant. They looked curiously at the costumes we had brought from the wilds of America. They observed that we talked loudly at table sometimes. They noticed that we looked out for expenses and got what we conveniently could out of a franc, and wondered where in the mischief we came from. In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.

Mark Twain
Country, Eye, Paris
Mark Twain (1871). “The Innocents Abroad; Or, The New Pilgrim's Progress ...”, p.379

A jay hasnt got any more principle than a Congressman. A jay will lie, a jay will steal, a jay will deceive, a jay will betray; and four times out of five, a jay will go back on his solemnest promise.

Mark Twain
Lying, Promise, Principles
Mark Twain (2016). “A Tramp Abroad”, p.24, Xist Publishing

Man is the only creature who has a nasty mind.

Mark Twain
Men, Thinking, Mind
Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.49, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

If true, rarely beautiful. If beautiful, rarely true.

Mark Twain
Beautiful, Wisdom, True Wisdom

If we had less statemanship we could get along with fewer battleships.

Mark Twain
Fewer, Ifs

Beautiful credit! The foundation of modern society.

Mark Twain
Beautiful, Foundation, Credit
Mark Twain, Charles Dudley Warner (1874). “The Gilded Age: A Tale of To-day”, p.243

The community is eminently Portuguese - that is to say, it is slow, poor, shiftless, sleepy, and lazy.

Mark Twain
Community, Lazy, Sleepy
Mark Twain (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Mark Twain (Illustrated)”, p.4194, Delphi Classics

Let us save the tomorrows for work.

Mark Twain
Tomorrow

The Autocrat of Russia possesses more power than any other man in the earth; but he cannot stop a sneeze.

Mark Twain
Men, Russia, Earth
Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.446, Courier Corporation

Tom said to himself that it was not such a hollow world, after all. He had discovered a great law of human action, without knowing it -- namely, that in order to make a man or a boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to attain.

Mark Twain
Boys, Men, Order
Mark Twain (1992). “Tom Sawyer & Huckleberry Finn”, p.14, Wordsworth Editions

I do not know what we should do without the pulpit. We could better spare the sun-the moon, anyway.

Mark Twain
Moon, Religion, Sun
Mark Twain (2016). “Mark Twain in Eruption (Abridged, Annotated)”, p.61, BIG BYTE BOOKS

His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine.

Mark Twain
Funny, Money, Mines

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