Authors:

A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H
I
J
K
L
M
N
O
P
Q
R
S
T
U
V
W
X
Y
Z

P. J. ORourke Quotes - Page 20

All Quotes Addiction Alcohol Appearance Art Authority Boat Cancer Capitalism Caring Character Charity Children Church Coffee College Comedy Communism Cooking Country Culture Dating Death Debate Democracy Divorce Drinking Dying Earth Effort Environment Exercise Family Fashion Food Free Market Fun Funny Giving Golf Growth Health Heart Heaven History Home House Inspirational Journalism Killing Language Liberalism Liberty Life Loss Love Luck Lying Mom Money Morning Office Past Pleasure Politics Pollution Poverty Purpose Quality Reading Responsibility Running Sailing Satire School Sloth Smoking Socialism Sports Students Stupidity Style Taxes Trade Virtue Waiting War Wealth Wife Wine Worry Writing

The wise traveler [to Beirut] will pack shirts or blouses with ample breast pockets. Reaching inside a jacket for your passport looks too much like going for the draw and puts armed men out of countinence

The wise traveler [to Beirut] will pack shirts or blouses with ample breast pockets. Reaching inside a jacket for your passport looks too much like going for the draw and puts armed men out of countinence

Wise, Travel, Men

P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.22, Atlantic Books Ltd

[Wave of bestselling conservative commentators] it's kind of like reading The Power Of Positive Thinking, or any other advice or how-to book. All they do is reassure people of their basic opinions, and then they can continue to act like they've always acted. I'd say it's time to move on to something else, but I don't know what it would be.

Moving, Book, Reading

Source: www.avclub.com

Getting down on all fours and imitating a rhinoceros stops babies from crying. (Put an empty cigarette pack on your nose for a horn and make loud "snort" noises.) I don't know why parents don't do this more often. Usually it makes the kid laugh. Sometimes it sends him into shock. Either way it quiets him down. If you're a parent, acting like a rhino has another advantage. Keep it up until the kid is a teenager and he definitely won't have his friends hanging around your house all the time.

Inspirational, Mom, Baby

I like to do my principal research in bars, where people are more likely to tell the truth or, at least, lie less convincingly than they do in briefings and books.

Lying, Drinking, Book

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Holidays in Hell: In Which Our Intrepid Reporter Travels to the World's Worst Places and Asks, "What's Funny About Thi”, p.205, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

I've been a New Yorker for ten years, and the only people who are nice to us turn out to be Moonies.

New York, Nice, Years

Who does Bill Clinton think got off the boat and stepped on Plymouth Rock? Peace Corps volunteers?

Thinking, Rocks, Volunteer

East Germany was so total in its totalitarianism that everything was banned which wasn't compulsory.

Funny, Humorous, East Germany

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer”, p.8, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights. Politics are a lousy way to get things done. Politics are, like God's infinite mercy, a last resort.

Rights, Done, Politics

Mike had called me and said he could offer me less, and I said, "You're on!" Because I was really excited with what Mike Kelly was doing, and now what Cullen Murphy is doing with Atlantic. It's a really cool magazine.

Magazines, Excited, Really Cool

Source: www.avclub.com

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

Cooking, Sauce, Sin

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig”, p.57, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

If you get outside the world of show business and its satellites, there's a whole world of car nuts in the Los Angeles area.

Nuts, Car, World

Source: www.avclub.com

I suspect the soviets never did want to use those bombs. The most Stalinist of Soviet hard-liners - Stalin, for example - must have realized a nuclear war would be a hard thing to clean up after.

Funny, War, Humorous

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.174, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

It was to be a short visit for the G-shevs. More than four days in the U.S. and Raisa's VISA card bill would shatter the fragile Soviet economy.

Funny, Humorous, Russia

P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.188, Atlantic Books Ltd

The commies are the only people on earth who think Star Wars will work. If they're that gullible, maybe we should have held the summit at Atlantic City and let them lose all their missiles playing Keno.

Funny, Stars, War

P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.191, Atlantic Books Ltd

Everybody in 15th century Spain was wrong about where China was and as a result, Columbus discovered Caribbean vacations.

Vacation, Columbus, Spain

There's nothing inherently lame about electricity. I've got a basement full of power tools that all operate with electricity, and they're manly items. And when you see a great big locomotive hauling a mile of freight cars, that's a hybrid. A lot of people don't understand that.

Car, People, Tools

Source: www.avclub.com

Anything that makes your mother cry is fun

Mother, Fun, Cry

P. J. O'Rourke (2010). “Driving Like Crazy: Thirty Years of Vehicular Hell-Bending, Celebrating America the Way It's Supposed To Be With an Oi”, p.21, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Coffee and cigarettes are much better if you want an instant breakfast.

Coffee, Breakfast, Want

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig”, p.58, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Last year, on a long car trip, I was listening to Rush Limbaugh shout. I usually agree with Rush Limbaugh; therefore I usually don't listen to him. I listen to NPR: "World to end-poor and minorities hardest hit." I like to argue with the radio.

Years, Npr, Long

...let's talk about soccer scores. There are a few things that people all around the world need to admit to themselves. Trade restraints slow economic growth, the euro is not a reserve currency and scoreless sports ties are boring.

Soccer, Sports, Ties

The typical old-fashioned diet (in the nineteenth century) was so bad it almost assembled modern dieting.

Funny, Humor, Loss

Intelligence collection has been given an additional bureaucracy to correct the problems created by too much bureaucracy in intelligence collection.

Political, Too Much, Problem

"What's That Smell?". www.weeklystandard.com. October 23, 2006.

Mankind is supposed to have evolved in the treetops. But I have examined my sense of balance, the prehensility of my various appendages, and my attitude toward standing on anything higher than, say, political principles, and I have concluded that, personally, I evolved in the backseat of a car.

Attitude, Car, Political

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty”, p.134, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

I was told to hand over my disposable lighter, to prevent, I suppose, any threat of "Do what I say or I'll light this Marlboro and you'll all die - in thirty years due to inhalation of secondhand smoke."

Funny, Humorous, Food

P.J. O'Rourke (2009). “Peace Kills”, p.58, Atlantic Books Ltd

Then there was LSD, which was supposed to make you think you could fly. I remember it made you think you couldn't stand up, and mostly it was right.

Thinking, Make You Think, Remember

P.J. O'Rourke (1991). “PARLIAMENT OF WHORES A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”

You May Also Like: