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P. J. ORourke Quotes - Page 19

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Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.

Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.

Funny, Christmas, Money

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.136, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Once we realized that there were these 25 invariable types - the class politician, the frigid popular girl, the kid who tags along behind the jocks - once we came up with these key characters in a cloud of marijuana, the whole thing just came together. One of the things I'm really proud of is how much of a high-school yearbook it is in its look, so much so that Hunter Publishing had the art director, David Kaestle, and I come for years to their annual convention and do a little talk on how not to do a yearbook.

Girl, Art, Character

Source: www.avclub.com

I suppose I should get a VCR, but the only thing I like about television is its ephemerality.

Vcr, Television, Should

P. J. O'Rourke (2016). “Republican Party Reptile: The Confessions, Adventures, Essays and (Other) Outrages of . . .”, p.15, Pan Macmillan

One nice thing about the Third World, you don't have to fasten your seat belt. (Or stop smoking. Or cut down on saturated fats.) It takes a lot off your mind when average life expectancy is forty-five minutes.

Nice, Cutting, Average

"Holidays in Hell". Book by P. J. O'Rourke, 1988.

There's not a woman in the book, the plot hinges on unkindness to animals, and the black characters mostly drown by Chapter 29.

Book, Character, Animal

Lampoon was exactly the opposite. The work was a lot of fun, but the office environment was hell. You cannot put 20 humorists together.

Fun, Opposites, Office

Source: www.avclub.com

What use is it to endure the Dutch Rubs and Indian Rope Burns that are politics if you can't obtain mastery over people and give them noogies back?

People, Giving, Rope

Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.

Love, Family, Patterns

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.19, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Long conversations with pals when neither you nor they have had a drink can be a test of palship.

Funny, Communication, Humor

P.J. O'Rourke (2009). “Peace Kills”, p.13, Atlantic Books Ltd

Political stuff is all about his [Hunter S. Thompson] reaction to a situation. And my stuff is much more externally driven.

Political, Hunters, Stuff

Source: www.avclub.com

Keeping house is as unpleasant and filthy as coal mining, and the pay's a lot worse.

Home, House, Coal

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig”, p.5, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Smoking cigarettes seems to alarm peace activists much more than voting for Reagan does.

Peace, Smoking, Voting

P. J. O'Rourke (2016). “Republican Party Reptile: The Confessions, Adventures, Essays and (Other) Outrages of . . .”, p.48, Pan Macmillan

How much fame, money and power does a woman have to achieve on her own before you can punch her in the face?

Women, Doe, Faces

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.10, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

The great thing about being a print journalist is that you are permitted to duck. Cameramen get killed while the writers are flat on the floor. A war correspondent for the BBC dedicated his memoir to 50 fallen colleagues, and I guarantee you they were all taking pictures. I am only alive because I am such a chicken.

War, Ducks, Guarantees

Gay marriage acceptance is happening in the blink of an eye.

Eye, Gay, Acceptance

Predicting innovation is something of a self-canceling exercise: the most probable innovations are probably the least innovative.

Exercise, Self, Innovation

Writing this book required an enormous amount of help from friends. To them goes the credit. I'll take the money.

Funny, Reading, Book

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty”, p.11, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

Most of us had never seen a sober redneck before, and we have the Reagan Landslide to testify that none of us ever wants to see one again. It was a horrifying apparition. And ever since Jimmy Carter, all of us rednecks have had to be very careful to be drunk rednecks lest we turn into some kind of awful creature with big buck teeth and a State Department full of human-rights yahoos.

Redneck, Rights, Drunk

France in August when you can travel through the entire country without encountering a single pesky Frenchman or being bothered with anything that's open for business.

Funny, Country, Humorous

P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.17, Atlantic Books Ltd

Never strike anyone so old, small or weak that verbal abuse would have sufficed.

Abuse, Verbal Abuse, Weak

P.J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus”, p.23, Atlantic Books Ltd

Whereas Rolling Stone, I just never had anything to do with them. I'd stop by the office maybe twice a year.

Years, Office, Rolling

Source: www.avclub.com

I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes.

Writing, Kids, Thinking

Source: www.avclub.com

I have, of all the inglorious things, a malignant hemorrhoid. What color bracelet does one wear for that? And where does one wear it? And what slogan is apropos? Perhaps that slogan can be sewn in needlepoint around the ruffle on a cover for my embarrassing little doughnut buttocks pillow.

Color, Ruffles, Doe

P.J. O'Rourke (2011). “Holidays in Heck”, p.145, Atlantic Books Ltd

Never serve oysters in a month that has no paycheck in it.

Oysters, Months, Paychecks

I wonder if it changes the nature of a society for beauty to be so common. Maybe in Vietnam "She has a wonderful personality" really means something. But I couldnt figure out a polite way to ask.

Love, Mean, Personality

P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty”, p.324, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

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