Humor Quotes - Page 64

I think we agree, THE PAST IS OVER.

Primitive societies, or social groupings, had shamans, and some of them even more recent in time. Shamans were tricksters. There was a tradition of the trickster, and the trickster was a clown, a humorous fellow. His task was to trick the gods, to humor the gods into laughing, so that there was access to the divine - because laughter is a moment when we are completely ourselves.

If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? "Would you like some breadsticks?" "No, thank you, I don't play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I'll have a drum roll."

Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?

Baloney is flattery laid on so thick it cannot be true, and blarney is flattery so thin we love it.

I live in a flat with 3 women, I call it surround sound. I keep the ugly one behind the sofa as a woofer.

Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: "Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?"

Good humor, like the jaundice, makes every one of its own complexion.

Never put a sock in a toaster.

Fruit... it's just God showing off. "Look at all the colours I know!"

It is difficult to be sat on all day, every day, by some other creature, without forming an opinion on them. On the other hand, it is perfectly possible to sit all day, every day, on top of another creature and not have the slightest thought about them whatsoever.

There's little in taking or giving, There's little in water or wine: This living, this living, this living, Was never a project of mine. Oh, hard is the struggle, and sparse is The gain of the one at the top, For art is a form of catharsis, And love is a permanent flop, And work is the province of cattle, And rest's for a clam in a shell, So I'm thinking of throwing the battle - Would you kindly direct me to hell?

There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid.

That's why I'm glad Jesus died when he did. Because if he lived to be 40, he would have ended up like Elvis. He was famous already at that point. If he lived to be 40, he'd be walking around Jerusalem with a big fat beer gut and black side burns going, Damn, I'm the son of God. Give me a cheeseburger and french fries right now.

It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.

I have read that, on the average, the Japanese are getting taller, but at the moment they seem to be about the same height as American junior-high-school students, only with fewer guns.

It's not a stereotype if it's always true.

Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four.

It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed.

There is no such passion in human nature, as the passion for gravy among commercial gentlemen.

It is an old prerogative of kings to govern everything but their passions.

Well, I’m not kissing the mundane," said Jace. "I’d rather stay down here and rot." "Forever?" said Simon. "Forever’s an awfully long time." Jace raised his eyebrows. "I knew it," he said. "You want to kiss me, don’t you?

I don't want to be a man," said Jace. "I want to be an angst-ridden teenager who can't confront his own inner demons and takes it out verbally on other people instead." "Well," said Luke, "you're doing a fantastic job.

What do gardeners do when they retire?

I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard.