Wit Quotes - Page 4

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them.

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you!

Freedom is not the ability to do anything we want, whenever we want. Rather, FREEDOM is the ability to live responsibly the truth of our relationship with God and with one another.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

There's no greater lifestyle and no greater happiness than that of having a continual conversation with God.

Sabbath, in the first instance, is not about worship. It is about work stoppage. It is about withdrawal from the anxiety system of Pharaoh, the refusal to let one’s life be defined by production and consumption and the endless pursuit of private well-being.

All our fret and worry is caused by calculating without God.

Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

What we have here, fellow citizens, is a crassly egocentric, raving twit.

You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.

Mankind will never see an end of trouble until lovers of wisdom come to hold political power, or the holders of power become lovers of wisdom

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.

My heart's in the right place. I know, 'cuz I hid it there.

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

Why do they call it "rush hour" when nothing moves?

You have sat too long for any good you have been doing. Depart, I say, and let us have done with you. In the name of God, go!

I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.

The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.

All you have to do is get in a closer walk with God and you'll find your enemies are in your own church.

We cannot tear out a single page of our life, but we can throw the whole book in the fire.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Treat your password like your toothbrush. Don't let anybody else use it, and get a new one every six months.

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.